The phone rang

I had a bad dream

so did I cry in sleep

I heard whispers among the fog

and the phone rang.

I heard a voice so feeble

it made me cry; like a child did I

it is not the pain troubling him

But his desires to see me.

I saw his pictures. Cancer has eaten his flesh

the strongest man I once knew, how could he fail?

Oh Yama! can't you just wait?

I have his dreams to fulfill.

With his trembling hands

He dreams of blessing my wife

in return a great grandchild would she offer.

My child and him; both with their toothless grin.

The phone rang again

I palpitated. My hands shook and I cried

My Grandfather on his bed

waits for me,more than death.

To leaders of my nation

A person with a good general knowledge knows that Nepal is a beautiful country. A nation with a great history. The peaceful, innocent ancestors of my land sacrificed themselves at the command of their rulers for the nations neighboring them and for those who came from far away lands of the west. They set an impeccable standard of gallantry, brutality and loyalty for whom they fought. But the world does not talk about them anymore?

The world today discusses about saving it from being a failed state. The unending political melodrama, corruption, political interference by foreign forces, lawlessness has seized the country while it fights everyday to promulgate its constitution.

I used to blame politicians alone for this. But I do that no more. The civil society; we have been responsible for all that is happening in my country today. What could be the steps, Nepal as a nation should take to solve the above mentioned challenges?

We had a peaceful election and the major parties right now are fighting for their stake in the government. While they do so, I believe that as responsible citizens of the nation, we should be preparing a road map for our country. We should let our government know, what we want them to do for us.

Our leaders engage in day to day activities that are futile. They are time wasters. The whole bureaucracy is set up to assist them. Leaders instead should be engaging in dialogue with the citizens to shape our policies. 

Our leaders should then be bold enough to communicate to the world that Nepal as a sovereign nation is capable of making decisions independently. If they want to see themselves as allies of the nation, they should be partnering with the help of the bureaucratic set up that we have; partner with agencies of development through investments rather than interventions.

As a student who has been keenly interested in international affairs lately, I see the South Asian economies dependence on charity and donations as a major hurdle to their development. So is the case with my country. Nepal should stop taking donations and start re-building itself. We as citizens of a sovereign nation should feel shameful everyday  to rely on the charity. These charities are the taxes paid out of the hard earned money of citizens of those countries.

But how should we be independent? Can our government and economy sustain without such charity?

 The world today is much interdependent while we are becoming more and more dependent everyday. We should therefore be an independent nation where we as sovereign citizens carve our own life to be able to create an alliance with the interdependent economies.The facts often speak the half truth for nations like us. The statements that often come from the media and intellectual society on how important charities are is just a myth. Data and information are there to tell how much of these funds are absorbed.

Let the people play an active role in the economy. A nation as small as ours does not require multi-national companies for development. It can effectively grow with our indigenous tools and techniques. We just need to seek out for them. Our leaders should therefore be engaging in dialogue with the civil society for our own organic development and for such policy redressals.

A country's fate is determined by the kind of leaders it has than the amount of resources. Israel is a better example to illustrate this fact. I just hope, this time, our leaders stand up to our aspirations.

Everything would be perfect

One fine day
Everything would be perfect
While they would put me on my grave..!!

I would smile
for all those odd years spent
I would cry for the days
that I spent heart broken, shattered and depressed
I would smile for every loving memories
Everything would be perfect
While they would put me on my grave..!!

I wonder
If I would remember the girl who loved me
Would I think
about the girl who dumped me
I would
live on the fragments of memories
of my friends and families
Everything would be perfect
While they would put me on my grave..!!

I would have a life
that I littered
With memories good and bad
How meaningful would it look?
For all gained and lost
Everything would be perfect
While they would put me on my grave..!!

Being me

Many years back,in my school days at a farewell program, I danced. Nobody called me on stage but I went up and danced. People who witnessed that still call it one crazy stuff that I did. I told stories, some from the books I read, some were spontaneous creation of my crazy mind but I am not a good story teller. My parents spent all their life on bringing me up, their savings for educating me but I am not a good student either. What am I doing with my life then? Nothing. Is that supposed to be good answer?

I am good at being me. This “me” is a very loaded subject. To be oneself is the most difficult job. I have failed to meet expectations of lot of people around me. While saying so, I am happy because as an average person I am sincere at what I do; tell stories, live with commitment to people around me, love them sincerely. I do not have an American dream so many youths of country like mine but I have my own dream. My dream is to be me. Share my stories, teach people to love sincerely, appreciate what they have and live in the present.

I live in dreams. I am a day dreamer. How can I teach others to live in the present when I am living in Illusion of past and future? Its simple. As people often say, a person teaches out of his failures. My failures in relationships, love, academics have taught me and this is what I am best at sharing with other people. I may not have my love by my side but I am telling you to believe in love, fall in love. A girl once told me, she no more believes in love after her boyfriend deserted her. My girl also ditched me. Its painful but I firmly believe in Love. I have failed in meeting expectations but I keep trying sincerely. This is me and this matters the most to people who love me.  who believe in me.

There are so many things going around us. As I play with the Kids in the neighbourhood, I often wonder what will happen to these Kids as they grow up. Their innocence, their laughter, their mischiefs, their sincerity. The world will miss them as they come of age. The spark that I saw in those eyes will be lost very soon. As I said earlier, these so many things are the societies we live in, the religious dogmas we faithfully perform, the social rituals, the dos and don’ts and the list goes on. But I have been me all the while.

So, be yourself. That’s all I have to say. The Life is best lived at the moment. Stop looking at the other side of the river to be happy. Stop postponing your dreams. Dream. Keep dreaming because my day dreams inspires me to live.

A day for my muse

It was in the late 90's, I was a small kid who knew a little about the world. A senior in my school handed me a book. It was a thick, old one written by a celebrated author of the time ( Little did I know at the time). I spent many study hours reading about a character, "Kumari Shova", a life of a living Goddess after she left the Kumari house ( a residence of a Kumari). The book had a huge influence on me. It gave a little boy figments of imagination.

I spent my school days writing about her. She took birth in the cuddles of my cursive writings and mersmerised the thoughts of many. She grew up through her puberty and she left me( in my childish writings). I therefore declared her death in one of my poems in front of the class. Everyone must have thought how stupid I looked. I must have been a block-headed guy for many. But let me tell you,  I was not. I was searching for my muse. The character no more fascinated me. I saw my friends dating other girls; the real ones. I wrote hell lot of love letters for so many of them. Therefore,  I declared her death to seek my real girl, my fascination for whom I could write tirelessly. My search came to an end on the last day of May. 

Her name comes from "Nakshatra", which means a measurement of solar distances between stars in Hindu astronomy. A search through the Sanskrit literature suggested that her name forms from the word which means a raga or a song.Songs are creative and so is she. She is like the glitter of a diamond that I could follow among the lotus flowers in a pond and seek for her till my body would give up on me. My soul would rise from its ashes and pursue for her. She is eccentric and eternal. She is my muse.

My journey has been a hazy one. The different phases of my life sublimely carved out its definitions on life, love, relationships, success, failures etc; the figurative shape of these artifacts resembles her. I do not know how my perceptions would change in the future, I wish for a time machine. I am astounded by my sheer observation over a period of time which shows that the change in me bluntly resembles the change in her. It does sound like one fucking crazy stuff for many but it's true.

Yes, it was the last day of May when I met her. May, a month of possibilities. With the end of the month, the possibilities to be with her seem to end as well. But my mind does not agree. My words penetrate beyond the possible and search for her in every pages. I have seen people become disrespectful towards their past, I have heard them regret, I have listened to their indignation and have been astonished by how they subdue the voice inside their head. But I fail to do so. I love her the more.

As we sat in the courtyard of the restaurant, she kept staring at the unknown. She was time and again lost in thoughts.As I kept looking at her in awe; I was wondering about the unknown space that existed between us.I do not know if we would meet again but what I know is that till the time I keep writing, my words will pursue her; my instinct would follow her and with her death will my love die. My stories will declare their death and those untold stories would be buried deep inside the grave and be sweetly sang by the knights of the darkness.

The Karma- Sutra

So many books have been written, articles published and undoubtedly thousands of influential speakers, inspirational leaders have talked about this. This is not a new topic I am discussing here. You might even wonder what is there that have been left to be discussed about on a topic as vague as "Karma" from an amateur writer. My urge to write on the topic grew strong as I began to see people moving without a sense of direction.

"Karma" in a simple word is an action. Just as we all have read in science textbooks in our school days, each action has an equal and opposite reaction. Thus every being on earth goes through the cause and effect cycle of their deeds as long as they survive. In Hindu mythologies, "Karma" uncovers a being's previous lives and their repercussion on their future lives. "Karma" for this post I am discussing is a karmic sadhana. Yes, I am talking with you all about each individuals day to day lives unlike the ascetic discipline and faith that sadhana evolves around.

From the biggest corporate honchos to the social businesses suffer from the ailment of karma at the present date. There is some news of demeaning actions by admired stakeholders of the societies at every nook and cranny of the globe. "Karma" as an unwavering faith on doing things responsibly and honestly have become an uncommon practice. I would not be surprised if someone says civilization does not exist, what does exists are their skeletons.

Is it so hard to practice honesty? Is it so hard to live together peacefully? Is it so hard to compete fairly? No. Nobody has ever tried to do it as a result of which common things discussed in every religion, in every philosophy has become uncommon today. People live to be presentable to others. " Fake-ism" persists while people resist their true self to come out.

The sutra or the formula to live a blissful life requires living it with honesty, passion and faith. It is all about nurturing the natural characters that we see everyday that animals like Dogs, Birds, elephants etc possess. "Karma- sutra" is all about living with your true self every moment. Life would become peaceful and blissful for everyone if each were to follow the simple characters of integrity, honesty, faith, consistence and devotion.

Am I right or wrong?

Every person while doing one or another thing is very conscious about what he or she is doing. We all want to perform in a way what people around us call acceptable. These acceptable standards of doing a thing, of living as an individual keeps pulling us; it's like the gravitational pull of a earth. In these past few months, I became a silent observer of this behavior that phenomenally binds a person's freedom to be what he or she could be.

Am I right or wrong? Should I do this or not? Is it good or bad? These are gruesome questions that consume a hell lot of time of an individual. Some people can never come out of this and become a captive, a victim of these questions. Some people are afraid to come out of their comfort zone and these questions are an easy answer and excuses to give. Most convicts, criminals as defined by the laws and social norms try to justify their actions in relation to their perception on these very grounds. But people in their normal walks of life often fail to exploit their potentials; explore their own self because of these very questions.

Right or wrong, good or bad are very relative terms. Every individual without harming others has the full right to exercise their freedom to choose what they feel is right than accepting the righteousness imposed by others. I recently went with a friend for lunch. The African people sitting opposite to our table were taking some bottles of beer. My friend suddenly began to ask me  if it was right to drink. He is a post graduate fellow brought up  in a Brahman( a caste in Hindu religion) family that forbids drinking. I was taken by surprise when he asked me if it was justifiable to drink as our body needs alcohol too to a certain amount. I finally ordered a beer for him. He drank and he was happy. The person I am talking about is always confused; he often stays back because of the fear of being wrong.

Life as we all know comes once. Do net let others define our choices. We stumble, we do fumble and fail, we will make mistakes but until and unless we do not commit mistakes , we will never learn. Keep the opinions and judgement of  society and the people around you at bay and undertake the journey that you always wanted to take. Discover yourself by choosing your own path. The path you choose will pave its own righteous reasons for others.