Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A normal boy's diary...

The winter has arrived folks..!! the night has suddenly become cold and windy. I walk out of my chair towards the balcony. As the cold air hits me, I come out to my senses. The basketball courts and the play ground that used to be crowded has no one tonight. I light the cigratte. The curls of white smoke coming out of my mouth goes up and vanishes in the darkness. The memories come alive out of it.

She was always there. A girl twice my size with the same height as mine, she has a fair complexion; a typical Indian look. For the first time, she came to speak to me with a huge smile on her face, I was dumbfounded. I was not prepared for such warm response. She was like some character out of movies who could easily mingle with anyone she wished to. The new work groups and the new faces kept appearing and one day some guys came and stole her public presence to their private ecstasy. Some of those who used to walk with her and couldn't get a space for themselves amongst her  new close-knit circle would often call her a slut. Ah..! what a beautiful way of defining oneself. When a person starts defining another person, s/he actually defines himself/herself.

I still didn't bothered about her. One day the supervisor gave us group work and she became a part of it. She came to discuss the matters while I was probing her. Why is the  plain, open, liberal girl like her called 'slut' by everyone? whomsoever I met would talk about her. What attracted so much frustration and negative criticisms against her? Oh yes, the size of her breasts were always brought into attention by anyone at anytime without it's having any relation with the topic or the circumstances.For the first time, I found her beautiful with her improperly threaded eyebrows, the brown eyes that became smaller and smaller as she spoke with me. I liked her.

Well, When I say 'I like her'. It does not mean 'I love her'. love is a very independent phenomenon. It is not the choice, it is the destiny when two independent people meet together. This meeting should be able to establish a strong foundation of mutual understanding, care and unconditional giving without expecting anything in return.  

As I sat down with my laptop in my apartment, I had nothing in my mind other than one desire to complete the given task. How on earth was I supposed to know that a few hours of chat would change the pattern of  spending my time? As I started to talk with her on Facebook , we inquired as much as we could about each other that the national spying agencies would appear dismal in front of the information we extracted out of each other. She was irresistible. She went offline to go to sleep while I remained fathomless throughout              the night.

She was beautiful with her imperfections. We began to share casual gestures at times, spoke openly. She was not the one to wait for anything. She was too quick at establishing relations and moving out of it.  My eyes followed each steps she took in the floor we worked; I kept searching for ways when I could see her without her knowing it. I became a lost soul. confused soul. Not a week had passed and there were rumors she is having an affair again. Those boys attached with the fresh rumors claim to have loved the way 'she was whoring around' with them. I was thunderstruck by their opinions.  Was it happening because she was letting it happen ? I wonder why did she find it cool to hang out with guys who never spoke good of her.

Every ordinary guys like me would have a similar story to share.Even these small things create a great despair among poor souls. The grief brought by these small incidents shape and mold a person's perception that emerges out of incapability to be with the girl and the next time he sees that girl again he might also say ,'She is a slut' but I cannot call her so as I value each individuals' choice and decisions. My thoughts swing like the pendulum of a clock between illusion and reality. Somewhere deep inside, I want my mind to believe that she will take her time and one day she will be mine...!!

The cold air hits me hard this time. I light the other cigratte. I am numb as I do not know where I stand. She keeps coming in my mind while the rest of the world goes to sleep. 

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