Saturday, October 27, 2012

My Millenium Girl

I have walked to the far flung areas. I have met people from many different cultures, living styles and treasured a lifetime of memories with me. Every time I  sit to pen down my journey, I remember the travelogues, novels, articles where women and sex are spilled everywhere and I have never even made friend with person of opposite sex during all these times until this day when I talked to her. She is miraculous like my thoughts, like the waves of an ocean, like the soothing cold wind during the dusk. She sometimes appear like a mirage to me. She was always there; sometimes sitting in front of me, sometimes talking to me, chattering, making classes lively. This time, when I am writing, I question myself, I doubt myself, my feelings for her and I do wonder if my purpose after taking so much pains  to be here ends with her.

Yes, It was this beautiful afternoon  when the sky turned black and grey and the cold winds blew; I was relieved  of all the hot and humid weather when the soft droplets of drizzle fell on my hand outside my classroom windows; I was savoring each seconds of that time with joy when someone whispered to me from the back," So, you love rains?" I turned my head to see her. Her eyes sparkled when she spoke, her lips turned into a huge curve of beautiful smiles and the dark dotted freckle in her upper lips made her look like a Madonna of romance. I answered in a very low voice," Yes, I do."

"Master ji, you are too shy". She began to talk playfully.( Everyone in my circle called me Master ji.)

" No. My lady, You have not seen me speak yet."

" O'O, My lady..! When did I become your lady?" She was full of smiles. The conversation started and neither of us knew when to  end it. She loved rains, long long bike rides and adventures. She was living every second of her moments with grace, beauty and acceptance.

I once asked, " Should I write an article on you?"

 "What kind of article?"

"Well, your are liberal, open and people try to take advantage of you.They talk behind your back...." 
She interrupted in before I  could complete my sentence, " Wait, Wait, I know you write well. You are independent to write anything you want. But regarding what you have just said I really do not give a damn."

Yes, She is my millennium girl. She dares to live by her choices. She dreams, she does and she believes at what she does. I have never before met such a girl whose locus of control is so internal. She walks in the herd of wild boys and yet take the control of the reins. She smiles like a princess and orders like mistress. I  am telling you one more time, she is a phoenix who is re-borne everyday in her smiles, bathed in her happiness, soaked in her dreams and as beautiful as a dream. 

As she moves away from me to her destination, I miss her presence.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A normal boy's diary...

The winter has arrived folks..!! the night has suddenly become cold and windy. I walk out of my chair towards the balcony. As the cold air hits me, I come out to my senses. The basketball courts and the play ground that used to be crowded has no one tonight. I light the cigratte. The curls of white smoke coming out of my mouth goes up and vanishes in the darkness. The memories come alive out of it.

She was always there. A girl twice my size with the same height as mine, she has a fair complexion; a typical Indian look. For the first time, she came to speak to me with a huge smile on her face, I was dumbfounded. I was not prepared for such warm response. She was like some character out of movies who could easily mingle with anyone she wished to. The new work groups and the new faces kept appearing and one day some guys came and stole her public presence to their private ecstasy. Some of those who used to walk with her and couldn't get a space for themselves amongst her  new close-knit circle would often call her a slut. Ah..! what a beautiful way of defining oneself. When a person starts defining another person, s/he actually defines himself/herself.

I still didn't bothered about her. One day the supervisor gave us group work and she became a part of it. She came to discuss the matters while I was probing her. Why is the  plain, open, liberal girl like her called 'slut' by everyone? whomsoever I met would talk about her. What attracted so much frustration and negative criticisms against her? Oh yes, the size of her breasts were always brought into attention by anyone at anytime without it's having any relation with the topic or the circumstances.For the first time, I found her beautiful with her improperly threaded eyebrows, the brown eyes that became smaller and smaller as she spoke with me. I liked her.

Well, When I say 'I like her'. It does not mean 'I love her'. love is a very independent phenomenon. It is not the choice, it is the destiny when two independent people meet together. This meeting should be able to establish a strong foundation of mutual understanding, care and unconditional giving without expecting anything in return.  

As I sat down with my laptop in my apartment, I had nothing in my mind other than one desire to complete the given task. How on earth was I supposed to know that a few hours of chat would change the pattern of  spending my time? As I started to talk with her on Facebook , we inquired as much as we could about each other that the national spying agencies would appear dismal in front of the information we extracted out of each other. She was irresistible. She went offline to go to sleep while I remained fathomless throughout              the night.

She was beautiful with her imperfections. We began to share casual gestures at times, spoke openly. She was not the one to wait for anything. She was too quick at establishing relations and moving out of it.  My eyes followed each steps she took in the floor we worked; I kept searching for ways when I could see her without her knowing it. I became a lost soul. confused soul. Not a week had passed and there were rumors she is having an affair again. Those boys attached with the fresh rumors claim to have loved the way 'she was whoring around' with them. I was thunderstruck by their opinions.  Was it happening because she was letting it happen ? I wonder why did she find it cool to hang out with guys who never spoke good of her.

Every ordinary guys like me would have a similar story to share.Even these small things create a great despair among poor souls. The grief brought by these small incidents shape and mold a person's perception that emerges out of incapability to be with the girl and the next time he sees that girl again he might also say ,'She is a slut' but I cannot call her so as I value each individuals' choice and decisions. My thoughts swing like the pendulum of a clock between illusion and reality. Somewhere deep inside, I want my mind to believe that she will take her time and one day she will be mine...!!

The cold air hits me hard this time. I light the other cigratte. I am numb as I do not know where I stand. She keeps coming in my mind while the rest of the world goes to sleep. 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

My way of talking recent issues: India

The Government of India recently opened up its economy  to few sectors   for foreign investment. There was a huge political outcry. The opposition party and the critical allies of the Government with likes of  Mamata Banerjee  came into the spotlight.The move of the cabinet made headlines in leading newspapers. Economists and corporate honchos equally wrote with creative enthusiasm on the aftermath effect of the policy reforms on few sectors. But the major part of discourse these diaspora should have been doing is discussing on the directional change of the Indian economy. I have been hit hard by this thought for the past few days and I am dumbfounded as I am not seeing it happen.

I am not an economist. I am not an expert at what these economists, corporate heads and politicians say but my observation is not flawed either. As the cabinet announced the decision to bring certain reforms to boost the capital inflow in this growing economy, the opposition party instead of opting to go on strike could have put itself into the discourse of highlighting the underlying challenges coming forth, the economist and experts could have delimited themselves by moving a step forward into various enterprising ideas wherein the expenditure of the government could be reduced, the strategies government could take to reduce more economic barriers for every sectors of the economy rather than giving  sweet parrot passages on the reasons, pros and cons of the government move.

It was the decision of national interest. The largest democratic nation was taking a stride. The democracy is the one in which every  nook and cranny of a nation participates, is included but was it really happening?  Oppositions took it as a temporary move taken by the government to take shelter from the growing criticisms and frustration against poor governance. The economists took it as way to let in capital inflow, stabilize the fiscal deficit and so on. The b-school lecturers as in mine were in rush to finish the lecture plans, to meet the deadlines ( I wonder when will the eastern economies take initiatives for indigenous research with this kind of education system as such),  the working middle class was busy on their daily chores, the tea-vendor ( the roost of youths like me where we spend ample time over trivial matters) and the huge mass like him do not  know what government is doing other than Man Mohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi, Congress, Bha. Ja. Pa and some similar names of their local MPs.

Every country has its specific strengths and limitations. The move to cheap in constructive efforts by every stakeholders is necessary  in this huge political and economic discourse. The government in my opinion failed to create that atmosphere. As we often say it is never late to start. I hope decisions such as these would be participatory in days to come. 

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