मन चर्ने सैलुङ् .....

बितेको हप्ता काम थिएन तर फुर्सद पनि भएन । वीज्ञान प्रबिधीले आम मान्छेको दैनिक जीवनमै उथल-पुथल ल्याइदिएको छ । काम नहुदा मनले चर्ने सैलुङ् खोज्यो । त्यसैले सबैभन्दा राम्रो फेसबूक नै रोज्यो । कुरा गर्ने साथी त धेरै थिए तर मन आम जिन्दगीका कुरा उघ्राउने पक्षमा थिएन । समयले तित्कताहरू सुपाच्य बनाइदिएको छ । त्यसैले फेसबूकमा चाहर्दा एक परिचित अनुहार देखें । मन न्यानो भो । दुबिधा त थियो; वास्तै नगर्ने हो की ? तर मनले के टेर्थ्यो ! त्यसैले फ्रेन्ड रिक्वेस्ट पठाएँ ।  

उस्को profile हेर्दै थिए । केही पुराना यादहरू ताजा भो'।  केही बर्ष पहिले उसलाई देखेको थिएँ कुनै एउटा कार्यक्रममा ; शायद रात्री भोज थियो । त्यसबेला पनि मैले देखेको, भेटेको, चिने-जानेको हुलमा उ अलग्ग थी'। म भन्दा करिब करिब दुगुना मोटी थी' तर राम्री थी'। उसका ठुल-ठुला आँखाहरू गाजल लगाएको डिलबाट यसरी हेर्थे की कोही पनि मान्छे मुघ्द हुन्थ्यो । सलक्क परेको अनुहारमा सानो थुम्को जस्तो उस्को उठेको नाकको डाडी, मिलेका आँखी भौ, खैरो रंग हल्का छरेको कुम कुमसम्म आएको कपाल अनि म्रिदुल बोली; म त लठ्ठै परेको थिएँ ।  नाम पनि उस्को हाँसोमा टपक्कै बसेको,"क्रितिका" ।    

 उसले मेरो अनुरोध स्विकारिछ', chat boxमा   उसको नाम अगाडी हरियो थोप्लो देखियो । के गरि कुरा सुरु गरुं ? आपत् पर्‍यो ! एकछीन उसको फोटोहरू हेर्न थालें । उ त उस्तै रहिछ'। हुन त देख्नलाई म पनि उस्तै छु तर समयसँगको घम्सा-घम्सिमा मन बद्लियो, बिचार बद्लियो । कतिले यसैलाई परिपक्वता भन्दा रहेछन् । म चाँही यो बद्लाबलाई समयले छाडेको दागको टाटाहरू भन्छु । के क्रितिका अझै पनि उस्तै गम्की-गम्की हाँस्न सक्ने हो ली' ?  उ' बारे अनेक कौतुहुलताहरू मनमा पैदा हुँदै हराउदै थिए । रोमनमा टाईप हान्दै झ्वाट्ट सोधें," के छ "?

 "Do I know you"?  उसले प्रश्न तेर्स्याइ हाली'। एकछीन अक्मक्क परें । एकचोटी लामो सास फेरें अनि टाईप गर्न थालें ।   

 "म त रेडियो भनेपछि हुरुक्कै हुन्छु । तिमीलाई धेरै पैले' एउटा प्रोग्राममा देखेको थिएँ " । 

 "ए ए " । उसले छोटो उत्तर दी' । सम्बाद त्यहीं रोकिएला जस्तो भो' । मनमा कुराहरु अठेस-मठेस हुन थाले ।

 जसो तसो कुरा गर्दा गर्दै रातको १२ बजेछ' । समयले नेटो काटेको पत्तै पाइएन । उसले एक्कासी," Good Morning !..hahaha "   लेखेर पठाई तब पो चाल पाएँ ।  तर न त उसलाई निद्राले छोएको थियो न त मलाई नै । ठट्टा गर्दा गर्दै मनका धेरै कुराहरु एक अर्कामाथी बिसाइय'छ । उ पनि कहाँ बद्लाबबाट अछुतो थी'र । त्यस रात २ बजेसम्म गफ गरिय'छ । हर रात त्यसरी नै गफ गरियो । बेलुकी पख फेसबूकमा बस्दा उसको नामको अगाडी हरियो थोप्लो नदेखे मनमा एैठन पर्न थाल्यो । यो ठन्डीको रातहरूमा पनि मनले चर्ने न्यानो सैलुङ् भेटे'छ ।      

       

                                                                        

कस्तो जाडो लागे'छ ....!

"ए बाबु कति सुतेको ?"

मेरी आमा कराउंदै मेरो कोठामा छिर्नु भयो । सिरक भित्रबाट आँखा चिम्सा पार्दै मुसोले दुलोबाट चियो गरेझैं गरि हेरेँ । आमाले पर्दा खोल्नु भयो । छ्याङै उज्यालो भएछ ।  आङ मर्काउदै सिरक खुट्टाले हुत्याउदै झ्यालबाट रानिबनतिर मुन्टो घुमाएर हेरेँ । त्यो हरित वनपनी सिरेटोको सप्को ओढेर बसेकी रहिछ । मेरो आङभरी कांढा उम्रेर आयो । फेरि सिरक तानेर खाटमा बस्दै भने," कस्तो जाडो लागे'छ "।

"धन्नको जाडो लाग्दो रै'छ "। आमा मेरो टेबलमा एक गिलास पानी राख्दै फत्फताउदै जानु भयो ।

 पसलमा दुध लिन जाँदा यकिन भो । जहिले ओठभरी लिपस्टिक लगाइ, स्टक्किङ या स्किर्ट लगाइ हिड्ने नक्कली मोरी त मुर्झाएको पालुवाजस्तो कपाल छाडेर, फुङ्ग उडेको अनुहार लिएर जिन्समा घरबाट निक्ली ! साँचै जाडो लाग्या हो अब त ।

 अफिस कामले भन्दा गफले तात्तिन थालेको छ । चिया, कफी सुरुप्प तानेको आवाज, त्यो मिठो सुरुप्प संगै पालै पालो सब्दपनी तुर्काउंछन् । कोहि आजकाल खुट्टानै तात्दैन भन्छन् ,कोही अफिसमा हिटर ताप्नै ब्यस्त हुन्छन् ।   जाडो काइता लागेछ ! यसै बहाना आफ्नो कामबाट फुर्सद नलिनेहरू पनि बेला बेलामा चियाको कप समात्दै मनका कुण्ठाहरू पोख्न आइपुग्छन । बेलुका जाडोकै कारण घर टोलमा यो सहरिया माहोलमा पनि छर-छिमेकी आगो ताप्दै एक अर्काको सूख-दुख ताप्छन । ज्यान त कति न्यानो होलानै तर मन पक्कै न्यानो हुदो हो !

 हिजो अबेरसम्म बाहिर बस्दा आज कसो कसो आँखा लागेको थियो । दुनियाँ जाडोबाट बच्न आगो ताप्दै गर्दा म आजकाल जाडो ताप्न थालेको छू ।   यो चिसोलाई जति जिउंछु, जति पिउंछु मन त्यति सितल हुन्छ । निसब्द जाडो,मनको शब्दहरू मलाई सिकाउने प्रयास गर्दै छ । निराकर रात-रजनीमा, म आफुभित्रको कोलाहललाई चिसोले साम्य गरेको पाउंछु । त्यसैले होला हर बिहानीमा नाकबाट सिगान झरिरहँदा म फुरुङ्ग परेर हिडीराखेको हुन्छु ।

 धेरै पछी हिजो एउटा बगानमा गएँ,करिब दुई बर्षपछी । बोट बिरुवा अली मूर्झाएका जस्ता थिए तर थुप्रै जोडीहरू एक अर्काको न्यानो अँगालोमा बाधिएका थिए । सोध्न त मन थियो तर आँट आएको थिएन । पिसाब गर्न जाँदा एउटा संगै छिरेको केटोलाई सोधें," यो जाडोमा गार्डन भन्दा घरमा छतको घाम न्यानो है?" "यो जाडोमा एक अर्काको सास पनि न्यानो"।  उसको जवाफले म हैरान भएँ । जाडोको मिजास पनि कस्तो !

                        

            

Dance of Devotion

It was one evening at October this year. The wall clock in my room stroke 7 pm . I stood up from my chair, opened the curtains of the window. My eyes then followed every women clad in 'sarees' and men in 'Pajamas' or 'dhoti' walking towards Iskcon temple. All those men and women had two things in common. Firstly they all were foreigners; many of them were from eastern Europe. Secondly, they all chanted " Hare Ram ! Hare Krishna !" I could not just resist my boredom and went off to see the temple. What  I saw there, what I felt and learned has transcended in my actions.It was an experience for a lifetime.

As I entered the courtyard of the temple,I could feel the faith, bhakti , chant and the dance of the free spirits. About a hundred people were sitting beside the temple. There were a group of musicians.All they were doing was singing "Hare Ram ! Hare Krishna !". There was an overflow of people. The place was so vibrant. Everyone there were chanting, singing and dancing. Some came to express their faith, some came out of devotions, some came to seek refuge, some came to feel the amazing energy and the positive vibrations, some came to release their monotony of life. I was there out of curiosity.

I did not know then that my desire would turn into a habit. I did not know how time unfolds and passes by. Every evening during my 15 days stay at Delhi, I was there. My heart took me and I could not resist. I could not resist because I saw everyone dance and I danced with them. I danced with all the strangers and danced as if I had been with them for a longtime. The ladies were dancing. The Children were dancing.All the old and young, married and single, sanyasins and worldly were dancing. There was no guide, no teacher, no instructor, nobody to tell you how to dance. But everyone were dancing in a perfect rhythm. All were dancing in union. 

My boredom was gone. I was no more alone. I was no more a stranger. I was a devotee. So, were the rest of them. People often say, dancing is an art. May be it is. What I learned was "Bhakti" , devotion is an art. When One knows how to devote oneself, dance emerges from their soul and take its form. Dance then freely.Let your legs move, free your body and you will get freed from all sorts of impurities. Your muscles become relaxed, your emotional trauma is long gone and you are open to all the possibilities. 

I even talked with many people there.I have been asking myself since that day. "Is it dance or devotion?"

They say it is devotion to the divine "Lord Krishna". I thought it requires lots of courage to come from another corner  of the world and be in union with the spirit of the people there.But it was not. I was wrong. It was devotion that brought them there. "Dance of Devotion" was what united all the souls together.

आशै आशमा बाँचिने जिन्दगी

जीवन अजबको छ, गजबको छ । भांती भांती रंगले पोतिएको जिन्दगी; जन्म-म्रित्यु, हाँसो-रोदन, उच-निच, मित्र-दुश्मन, कुबेर-जोगी, प्रेम-घ्रिणा, सत्य-झूट, जोश-आलस्य, सफल-असफल । हाय! कति अत्रिप्त जिन्दगी । एउटै जिन्दगी जिउने हो सबले तर एउटा जीवन भित्र कति थरी जीवन बाँच्ने हो । एक चोलामा कति थरी रंग पोत्ने । कति सपना देख्ने,कती सपना बाँच्ने । आफ्नो सपनाको लागि बाँच्ने की अरुको नीम्ति बाँच्ने ।  आँफैलाई माया गर्ने की आफुले माया गरेकाहरुको नीम्ति बाँच्ने ? हरेक स्वप्ना प्राप्त हुने बुलन्द विश्वाशले जागेको जिन्दगी ! 

मरेर लैजानु त केही छैन तर जीवन भोगिरहंदा दुबिधा प्रसस्त छन् ।  आफ्नो सौखले बाँच्न पनि स्रोत-साधन सिमित छन् । जीवन अरुका नीम्ति गरेर,दिएर बाँच्छु भन्दा पनि के चाँही दिने,कती दिने,क-कसलाई दिने ? दिएर पनि अपार यो जिन्दगी । 

 बडा ताजुब लाग्छ मलाई । बैन्सको बेला बाटामा देखेको जो पनि राम्री लाग्ने । हाँस्यो,खेल्यो, ख्याल ठट्टामै,फोन गर्दा गर्दै, मेसेज गर्दा गर्दै कोहि कोहि बिना सासै फेर्न नसकिने गरि माया बस्छ । दुई चार दिन हस्यो बोल्यो, डेटिङ गयो; संगै पार्कमा बसेको अर्को केटोको मायालु मन पर्छ ! हाय ! धिक्क! धिक्क ! यस्तै बिचित्र छ हरेक पलमा मान्छे को जिन्दगी । एक ईच्छामा समर्पित हुन नसक्दा, एक प्रेममा अटल विश्वाश नहुँदा,एक इरादा मजबुद नहुँदा आम मान्छे भौतारिन्छ । उसको म्रिगत्रिस्णाको कुनै कुवा छैन । ठोकर खाइरहन्छ मान्छे,तड्पीरहन्छ । कहीले बिधातालाई गुहार्छ, कहीले भाग्यलाई सराप्छ, कैले धर्मको साहारामा अलाप्छ । एउटा झिनो आसामा अडेको जिन्दगी । 

 असम्भब त केही छैन रे !  सम्भाब्यताको खोजी गर्नेहरु लाखौँका संख्यामा विश्वको कुना कुनामा पुजिंदैछन् । त्यहि दौडमा लाखौँ अरु जित्न भागम्-भाग गर्दैछन् ।  एकजनाले एक करोड कमाउँदा, यहि संसारको अर्को कुनामा एक करोड मान्छे एक रुपैयाको लागि लाचार हुन्छ,न्युनतम आवस्यकताको पुर्ती नहुँदा !! कतिले कतिलाई दिने ? नामको लागि दिने ? अर्को मान्छेभन्दा आफु बिसिस्ट हुनका लागि दिने ? हामी के को लागि दिन्छौँ ? दिनको नीम्ति दिदैनौ, पाउनकै नीम्ति दिन्छौँ । कस्तो झुटो आसामा बाँचिने जिन्दगी !  

म फेरि पनि मेरो विश्वाश, मेरो जिउने सैली डकार्दै छु । म त निर्धक्क जिउँछु । अटल प्रेमले जिउँछु,गहिरो आस्थाले बाँच्छु । म त हाँसी हाँसी दिएरै बाँच्छु, अरुका दु:ख- सुख पिएरै बाँच्छु । म त प्रेमले जिउने केटो । मेरो कुनै ब्यक्तिलाई नाप्ने कसी छैन, झुटो सपना लेख्ने मसी छैन ।   यो सुन्दर चोला खुशी,सुख,प्रेम,सदाचार बाढेरै बाँच्छु । हरेक पल राम्रो हुने ममतामयी आसामा बाँचिरहेको छु !      

                   

           

                            

Rise Beyond Horizons..!!!

Ah! the cold winter air stings
and my heart freezes beyond the dried emotions
like the leaves of a tree
 colorless and numb.

The chilly smoky morning
so dark and gloomy
and the silence so unheard of before
the lonely grasses sprinkle the holy dewdrops on my feet
as i walk across them to the mountain

I stand here and wait for my first daylight
While the valley  wakes up for it's morning chores
frozen with thy rudeness O winter!
I stand here for my Sun to rise
For my hopes to live and play
And to see my dreams rise beyond the horizons.

मेरो मन त बौलाहा छ.....!

साँझ झमक्कै परेको छ । बर्द्घाटको बजारमा चहल पहल कम हुँदैछ । म होटेलको छतमा उभिएर आकाश नियाल्दै छु । सबै जना बियर र सितन संगै गफमा मस्त छन् होटेलको बैठकमा । म एकोहोरो पर क्षितिजसम्म हेरिरहन्छु । म उभिएको अघिल्तिर एउटा निकै शान्त,एक्लो घर छ । त्यहि घरको कुनै कोठाबाट मिठो बाँसुरीको धून मेरो कानमा बारम्बार ठोक्किरहन्छ । बाँसुरीको धून मिठो न हो तर मनको धून सार्है मिठो । 

मेरो मन त यस्तै छ । लह लह झुलेका धानका बालाहरुसंगै लहरिन्छ । बियरको चुस्की भन्दा बाँसुरीले जित्छ,झन आफ्नै लहडमा सोच्न थाले त्यहि लहडले जित्छ मेरो मनलाई । संगीतले मनको पक्षी जनमाउंछ अनी मन नितान्त रमाउंछ सुसेलिरहेको हावासंगै;मन एक्लै नाँच्छ म स्टेजबाट ओर्लिएर मेरो दर्सकलाई नाचिरहेको हेर्दा; अनी मेरो मन त बौलाहा पनि छ। यो बौलाहा मन कतिखेर त्यस दर्सकको हूलमा आएकी कुनै एक बैंन्सालु चिरिच्याट्ट परेकी तरुनीलाई ताक्न थाल्छ अनी मौजी सपनाहरु बुन्न थाल्छ । म कार्यक्रम संचालन गर्दै गर्दा मेरा दर्सकहरु स्टेजमा जोसिएर आउंछन् अनी कम्मर भाँची भाँची नाँच्न थाल्छन,गायकहरु झन मच्ची मच्ची गाउन थाल्छन: म दंग पारेर हेर्छु त्यो उत्साहप्रद भिडलाई तर मेरो मन त्यसरी शान्त रहन सक्दैन । मन उफ्रिएर भाग्छ मबाट अनी त्यहि भिडमा छम-छमी नाच्न थाल्छ । नाचेको मन कति राम्रो,खुसी मन कति राम्रो,सन्तुस्ट मन कति राम्रो...!! 

 मेरो मनले सोच्नै जानेको छैन । यो त फिरन्ते जोगी जस्तै छ । त्यसैले मेरो मन बौलाहा लागेको होला अरुलाई । मन्दिरको सिंढीमा बसेर केरा लुकाइ लुकाइ खाइरहेको बाँदरको भाग चोरुं भन्छ मेरो मन । एक्दम निर्धक्क सँग जिउंछु भन्छ मेरो मन । रिसले चुर भई पीटुला झै गरेर आउनेलाई मिठो बचन बोलेर,थपथपाएर मुसुक्क हांसिदिन्छ । बाटोमा राम्री केटी देख्यो भने अघि पछी उन्को उफ्री उफ्री दाम्लो फुकेको बाछी जस्तै नाचिदिन्छ । खोला देखे माछाहरुसंगै पौदिन थाल्छ,भ्यागुताहरुसंगै ट्यार ट्यार गीत् गाउंछ,गङ्गटाहरुसंगै लुकामारी खेल्छ ढुङ्गाको चेप चेपमा ।    

मेरो मन त घुलिन्छ नुन चिनी जस्तै हरेक अवस्थामा । दुखी देखे झन दुखी हुन्छ,गरिब देखे करुणामयी क्रन्दन गर्छ । म आफु त मासु खान्न । तर यो दशैं मैले मेरो मनको बाटो रोजें । मेरा बिरालाहरुलाई मासु ख्वाएं । तीनले छिमेकीको घरको झ्याल अगाडि हेरेर बसेको मेरो मनले सहनै सकेन । मेरो मन यस्तै छ; दुध चोर्न आउने बिरालाहरुसंगै लय हाली हाली म्याँउ गर्छ,जुन्किरीसंगै रातमा सैर गर्छ,ताराहरुलाई आँखा झिम्क्याउँछ अनी पर पर क्षितिजसम्म बादलसंगै लहरिन्छ । आम जिवनहरुभन्दा फरक छ, धेरै धेरै नै प्रिथक छ ।त्यसैले होला सबैका लागि मेरो मन बहुलाएको.............!!                               

म त खुशी चोर्छु....!

जीवन,जगतका बारेमा लेख्नेहरु दार्सनिक हुन भन्छन् मैल भेटेका मान्छेहरु । कोहि यिनलाई पागलहरु भन्छन् । म त यिनमा आँफैलाई पाउंछु । म Stephen Covey का  शब्दहरुलाई घोलेर पीउंछु ,सुक्रातका कथनहरु उघ्राऊंछु,गीताका बाणीहरु ओकल्छु, बुद्धका बचनहरु समाउछु अनी यिनै पागलहरु जस्तै मुर्छा परि हाँस्छु । सुखमा नी हाँसेकै छु,दुखमा रमाएकै छु,फुर्किएर मन दुख्दा पनि नाचेकै छु ।  मलाई हाँसेको देख्दा कतिले कति दंग पर्न सक्या भने, कतिले लाज पचाएको भने ,कतीले सरम नभएको भने,कतीले भावनाको कदर नभएको भने अनी कतिले कस्तो चोर जस्तो हाँसेको भने !  म त चोर हो नै । म त खुशी चोर्छु ।  

एक इमान्दर पिताको छोरो म, एक कर्तब्यनिस्ट अधिक्रितको दाई म अनी ब्रहमा, बुद्ध, सरस्वोती र लक्ष्मी समाहित भएको देवी स्वरुपा आमाकी छोरो म; म कसरी पैसा चोरु, म कसरी अपराध गरुं ?त्यसैले कसैले सबुत प्रमाण नपाउने चोर बने, कुनै कानुनले रोक्न नसक्ने चोर बने । म त खुशी चोर बने ।

 जीवन र जगतका बिषयहरु हरेक ब्यक्ति माथि रहेको  नद जस्तै अनन्त छ । त्यसको न चुरो छ, न त चुली नै । विज्ञान बटुवा हो,यसको शरणमा बेला बेलामा हान्निएर पुग्दछ अनी कनिकुथी पस्कन्छ ।  ती पस्किएका कुराहरु सोध बन्छन्,खोज बन्छन्, तीनले अविस्कार गर्छन् अनी त्यस अविस्कारले मानव जीवनको भोगाइको अनुभब बदलिदिन्छ ।  तर दर्शन बद्लिन्न । संस्कार बदलिन्छ । व्याख्या गर्ने दृष्‍टिकोण बदलिन्छ । ती पगलका दर्शनहरु दुरुस्तै रहिरहन्छन युगौं-युगसम्म ।  ती मेरा पुज्य पागलहरु,दार्सनिकहरु,गुरुहरु भन्छन् जीवन सत्य भएर जीउने,जीवन खुशीले जीउने अनी खुशी आँफै भित्र निहित कुरा हो । 

  खुशी हरेक भित्रको निहित कुरा हो भने,संसारमा दुखी किन यति धेरै उम्रिएका,जीवनहरु किन यति धेरै पिल्सिएका,मनहरु यति धेरै के का लागि गुम्सिएका? जति बिकसित समाज,उती जटिल अनी दुखी आत्माहरु; प्रेतले सताएका जस्ता!समाजहरु सुख,खुसी बिहिन कंकालहरु बन्दै छन् ।   म दंग परेर हेर्छु बाटोमा पत्नीसँग ठुस्किदै हिंडेको पतीलाई; म अचम्मित भएर हेर्छु नाकको पोहोरा फुलाउंदै आफ्नो प्रेमीसँग रिसाएर ठिम-ठिम हिंडेकी राम्री प्रेमिकालाई; म कान ठाडो  पार्दै सुन्छु ल्यान्ड क्रुइसेर (land cruiser)  भित्र  बसेर फोनमा आफ्ना प्रियजनलाई हप्काइरहेकी एक महिलालाई; म अवाक भएर हेर्छु dendrite सुंघिरहेका सडकका केटा-केटीहरुलाई;जीवन जीउन पैसा मात्रैले पुग्दैन,न की प्रेम, सम्बन्धहरु, सुबिधाहरु  :जीवन जीउन त यिनलाई सहि मात्रमा मिसाउने कला,दक्षता,कुसलता चाहिन्छ ।    

  म न त कुनै दार्सनिक हो,न पागल, न कबी, न लेखक ; मेरा न पत्रीका छन्, न प्रकाशन । म न त कारमै हिंड्छु, न कोहि एकलाई प्रेमनै गर्न सकेको छु । मेरो जीवन त कपासका भुवा जस्ता ती काला-सेता बादलहरु जस्तो छ जस्को छिद्राहरुबाट किरणहरु निस्कन्छन्; आशाका,भरोसाका,सुर्यका,सौर्यका,उत्साहका किरणहरु । जीवनका आरोह अबरोहहरुमा,उतार चढावहरुमा म ती बादलका छिद्राहरुमा खुसिका कल्पद्रुमहरु उमार्छु । 

अरु ब्यक्तिहरु खुशी खोज्न पीउँछन्,खुसी हुन सम्बन्धहरु रोज्छन्,अवसरहरु कुर्छन- म त चोर्छु । देखेजती,भेटेजती ,पाएजती,सकेजती खुशी चोर्छु ।   म अलिकति खुशी तरकारी बेचेर दंग पर्दै खर्पन हल्लाउंदै हिडिरहेको ज्यापुको चोर्छु,अली अली खुशी फोनमा मस्किदै केटालाई गफ दी'रहेकी केटीको मुस्कानबाट चोर्छु,टन्न दुध भात खान पाएपछी रमाउदै कुस्ती खेल्ने मेरा बिरालाहरुसित सापटी थोरै खुशी लिन्छु,म त सारौं जस्तै बुत्रुक्क खुशीले उफ्रिदै हिडिरहेकी क्यान्सर पीडित केटी मेरो कुरा सुनेर खित्का छाडी हाँस्छे- थोरै खुशी उस्को सुटुक्क चोर्छु ।  हरपल हर क्षण म त खुशीको  पोका-पुन्तुरा बोकेकेा मानिस,पक्षी,जनावर,प्रक्रितीको पर्खाइमा हुन्छु । थोरै थोरै खुशी सबको चोरि म धेरै खुशी हुन्छु ।                         

      

मेरी आमा : जन्मदिनको सुखद अवसरमा

"हेल्लो.. हे...हेल्लो...आमा.. !"

म त झसँग भएँ । मस्त निद्रामा थिए । आँखा च्यातेर बल्जफ्ती हेरेँ । मेरो आमालाई उनकी आमाको फोन आएको रहेछ । राम्ररी आवाज नसुनेकोले यता ऊता कुद्दै हुनुहुदों रहेछ । मेरो मामाघरे हजुरआमाको उमेर चाँही चौरानब्बे ।

 हत्तेरी गाँठे !मेरो त सुद्दी गएछ जस्तो लाग्यो नी एकचोटी त । चौरानब्बे बर्षकी हजुरआमाले जिते यो'पाली । जीउ मर्काउदै उठें ।

"ए मेरो जेठा अझै उठेको छैनौ?"  

 मेरी आमा हाँस्दै म'तिर आउनु भयो । हातमा पूजाको थाली थियो । मेरो जन्मदिनमा म उठ्नुपुर्व नै मेरो आमालाई जैले मेरो छेउमा पाउछु ।  मलाई म्वाइ खाएर सुभकामना दिएपछी जबर्जस्ती नुहाउन र पूजा गर्न लगाउनु  हुन्छ । मेरी आमा र उनको आमालाई हेर्दा देवी खोज्न मन्दिर जानु पर्दैन जस्तो लाग्छ । आमा खाट छेउमै आएर बस्नु'भो ।

"Happy Birthday आमै"। मैले लाडिएर आमालाई अँगालो हाले अनी दुबै गालामा म्वाइ खाए । आमा हाँस्दै भान्छा घरतिर लाग्नु'भो ।

मैले मेरो आमाको धेरै गुणहरु आफूमा पाएको छु । मेरो आमा जस्तै म पनि जन्म देखि साकाहरी भोजन गर्छु । मलाई अरु कुनै ब्यक्ति मांसाहारी भएकोमा आपत्ति भने छैन । तर मेरो आमालाई छ ।मेरो घरभित्र अण्डा ल्याउन पनि सख्त मनाही छ । यति मात्र कहाँ हो र ! पहाड घरमा आमा सानो छँदा एउटा टोल नै साकाहरी भएको थियो रे । मेरो मामाघर भन्दा माथि कामी टोल थियो । मामाघरको आगँन भएर कामी टोलको बाटो जान्थ्यो । उनीहरु डोकोमा हालेर मासु र रक्सी ओसार पसार गर्थे रे ! एकदीन मेरो आमाले थाहा पाउनु भएछ र रुदा रुदा बेहोस् हुनुभएछ । मेरो आमा त गाउँकै छोरी हुनुहुन्थ्यो रे ! त्यस दिन देखिबाट त्यो गाउमा  कसैले मासु खाएन रे !
 आमा भन्नु हुन्छ,शरणमा आएको भिक्षु र जनावरलाई खाली हाथ र खाली पेट नफर्काउनु रे,रिसाएको साँढेको बाटो नछेक्नु रे अनी बैगुणलाई गुणले तिर्नु रे । बैराग्य प्राप्त गरेका र भोकोलाई दिंदा करुणा र दयाभाव पैदा हुन्छ । आवेसमा आएकाहरुलाई उनीहरुकै अवस्थामा छोड्नाले आफुमा धैर्य प्राप्ती हुन्छ । आफ्नो नराम्रो चिताउनेको राम्रो गर्नाले खराब सोच र संगतबाट सदा टाढा भइन्छ रे ।
 त्यसैले होला मेरो आमा सधैं हस्नी खुशी रहन सकेको । त्यसैले होला टोल छिमेकमा मर्दा-पर्दा,चाड-पर्व,खुसी बाड्नुपर्दा मेरो आमाको खोजी हुन्छ ।    यस्ती मेरी आमाको चरणमा सदा मेरो सिर रहोस् ।  

लेख्छु लेख्छु भन्दा भन्दै.....

लेख्छु लेख्छु भन्दा भन्दै सेलाएछन् भावहरु 

स्रीजनामा केवल रह्यो शब्दका लासहरु 

पुछुँ पुछुँ भन्दा भन्दै बगेका आँसुहरु 

ओठमा सजियो फिक्का-फिस्स हाँसोहरु  ।।  

भन्छु भन्छु भन्दा भन्दै फुत्किएछन पलहरु 

यादमा बांचिरह्यो मुर्झाएका मनहरु 

भेटेँ भेटेँ भन्दा भन्दै टाढीएका आफ्नाहरु 

परायामै खोजिरह्यो मिठा नुतन स्वप्नाहरु ।।

पुगेँ पुगेँ भन्दा भन्दै हराएका गन्तब्यहरु 

होस्टे हैंन्से तालमै गुज्रिरह्यो जीवनहरु 

टेकेँ टेकेँ भन्दा भन्दै देखेका असिमित चुचुराहरु 

अन्तै भुलिरह्यो जब भित्रै थियो खुशीहरु     ।।

फर्क फर्क भन्दा भन्दै छिरेका मन्दिरहरु 

मुर्तीमै सिमित रह्यो प्रेम,श्रद्धा,विश्वाशहरु 

भरियो भरियो भन्दा भन्दै रित्तिएका मनवताहरु 

कात्रोहरु बनिरह्यो जलिनै रहे लासहरु ।।

  

Being Aware

I woke up a bit early today.I did not quite feel like meditating or going for an exercise. Instead, i chose to meander around the surrounding paths of Raniban (forest name). The lush green forest with the chirping of birds flying for their first meal was quite a paradisiac. Lots of muslim men walking around, a beautiful humming sound coming from the nearby monastry, the echoes of the people doing yog asanas,Jyapus in their traditional attire with kharpan full of vegetables walking towards the morning market,people from distant places lining up in the sprout for natural water:ah! it was worth a walk and fulfilling than any other task. I could still hear the faint roar of a Leopard from the midst of that jungle.

Every morning was like this.I haven't felt this for a long time. I was too busy trying to maintain the balance in my life to feel it.For some months, i have been obsessive to achieve.There are so many like me. In fact with urbanisation and growing nuclear families, many people and family feel this mundane city life and loneliness.Eventually, the moral climate and the quality of life of modern denizens is degrading day by day just as was mine.The problem gets deeper when we keep holding to these feelings,towards people and become irresponsible to ourself. How many hours do we spend in facebook, twitter or virtual world? How much time do we keep thinking about people who really do not care about us? How much time do we spend in remorse and regret? When was the last time we fretted about our supervisor? When was the last time we smiled?

There are hundreds of questions i want each one of you to ask yourself.We have become too busy to establish a career,a legacy, relationship and so on.We keep running after everything else except ourselves. We are on our toes 24*7; to be extra-ordinary,successful,famous,inspiring.When was the last time you inspired a thought and worked on yourself?Success requires a sound mind and a sound health for general people.Have you ever cross checked your thinking patterns? How aware are you?

Yogas, asanas,meditations have become very popular campaign these days.People doing these are increasing day by day.This does help people come out of tensions,obsessions,addictions and many other physical and emotional benefits are accrued.It has helped me too.I was obsessive about a girl;a whiner of my past relationship,i kept blaming her for all the chaos in my life.I forgot that i was creator of those thoughts and not her.Meditation helped me feel good and just like other meditators i also felt i had become more aware until the day i met a monk.

This monk from Sao Paulo had travelled to monasteries of Ladakh,India before he came to Nepal.I recall the meeting with him as a cherubic encounter.He told me during the conversation that i had become a dog.I was not letting meditation help me.I had become aware of the feelings that i feel are harmful. I was welcoming familiar people,like minded people just like a dog which wags its tail to the smell it is familiar with.I was still not ready to accept my past and welcome that change to my present.But what about accepting the people and circumstances as they are?Awareness is about growing beyond your control and accepting things with the fact that they are different. Awareness is about asking the girl who does not like you for forgiveness and accepting her as she is.Awareness is about welcoming an angry man with a smile and letting him smile with you once he gets over that emotion.

Acceptance is the biggest lesson i have learnt.Accepting the fact that the rat race to success,money,fame,legacy never ends.All these are neutral means and they only enhance the pattern of life we choose to live. living an ordinary life hetherto is the most difficult for a human being.A life wherein your experiences with age and circumstances improvise you,furnish you. The monk taught me how valuable my life is. He does not regret his life but he missed my life. He missed the feeling of falling in love, the feeling that you are dating the most beautiful lady when she comes smiling in her red saffron kurta salwar in your first date; the grief of heartbreak,jealousy and the move to come out of all these. Indeed,pain beautifies happiness and longing for it; just like the darkness signifies the coming dawn.

Take a break form the monotony of life and look into yourself. The nuclear families in the urban areas need to make their community a family.Create women groups and arrange bhajan ( religious chores often bring people together) at your neighborhood. Create cooperatives and increase family and financial relations in your community.Invite them for tea and celebrate the joys of marriage,bratabandh, teej together.Give a lift to your neighbors,their kids and spouses. This is what is common in my community.

People lost in the virtual world of chatting,facebook, twitter, Mig33, blogging: come out of it once and smile with the real people. Your parents, your friends,neighbors haven't seen your smiling faces for a long time.Stop being angry at your brother for the sound of music coming out from his room while you write down the list of your favorite music in facebook. Join the wedding celebration of your relatives and neighbors; help them,congratulate them instead of blogging about how happy you really are.For all those young lovers and workaholics, it is good to compliment your colleagues and praise them and compliment them.But it is bad if you are complaining about them.Bad for yourself. Do not mix your work with your friends. Be just with them when you are with them. When you are with your partners and spouse, just be with them.This is ordinary life.This is living and inspiring to live.Accept life as naturally as it comes to you,live it the way any animal or plant has lived and the people running in the race will stop,grasp their breath,wonder and compliment at the life you are living.

This day i Celebrate.....

"Bhanu Jayanti" has always been a festival for me.I celebrate this day every year with more enthusiasm and joy.This year also i am more than happy with the increasing readers and writers in the Nepali literature.Like every other past celebrations, this year too, i wrote a poem dedicated to him,our first poet, Bhanu Bhakta Acharya.Every year at this day, i garner a different experience.

I always wait for this day with impatience because i have a story to tell.I was a shy guy with a greater inferiority complex than other peope i have met till date.I was even afraid to ask for the permission to go to toilet with my teacher forget about asking questions and communicating with them.I have never in my life shared my feelings with anyone although they are reflected in my writings. It was a far cry for me.But i used to read a lot of novels.The first novel i read was at the age of nine.It was "Kumari Shova", and author is "Ramesh Bikal", if i am not wrong.After that there is no looking back to my reading habit.I would read all day and night  when it came to novels. Do not assume that i am studious student. I hated text books. After i finished reading a book, i used to write a story or a poem that novel would inspire me to.

One evening,a day before Bhanu Jayanti,we were playing in the rain water splashing mud at each other with gum boots beside our hostel. My Nepali teacher, Kumar Parajuli called me. I was summoned to the Nepali Department Head's Office.Dhurba Basyal sir was the department head. He looked at me with awe and asked Kumar sir," Can this guy handle this program for whole day single handedly?" I was freaking out with fear and nervousness. A smokey heat went down my spine and blood pressure went up. I was in red and blues.My teacher with such calmness, confidence and poise reiterated that i am the best candidate to master the ceremony.I didn't know what to do.So, I prepared the list of to do's during my study hour.That night was a special night because for the first and last time in my life,i worked so hard. I praticed in the bathroom till 11 O'clock.When i was planning to retire to bed, i saw one of my fren coming through a dorm.He had a huge smile in his face when he saw me. Let's get down and run after jackels, it will freshen you up and boost your confidence.So, we went down with pebbles to run after jackels that used to cry out all through night in the peripheri of our hostels.During that campaign all i had to do was cry out loud ,"It will be the best day".

The day came and the day ended also.It indeed was my day.Can you imagine the mass i was facing?This day used to be one of the biggest one day festival at Birendra Sainik Awasiya Mahavidyalaya after Annual day.The day had witnessed guests like Natikaji, Shila Bahadur Moktan and other famous people in it's past.The audience in front of me was apporximately one thousand in numbers.Every teacher lauded me and patted me.That was when i learnt it is okay to speak out.There is nothing to loose.Speak out from your heart and people will listen to you.From that day on,I never had to look back at that poor, helpless child in me.That is why,this day, i celebrate the most for being the real me................. 

An end to a Chapter

They always say that one has to end the present chapter to fully unleash the new chapter . It is true with our lives also. Our life is also like the chapters of a book. To fully experience your upcoming moments, you have to end your past chapters properly, understandbly . Do not polish your past , do not add prefixes and suffixes. It will complicate your present. Be open to the fact that nothing is perfect, no one is perfect , nothing is permanent. Accept the fact that you committed mistakes, there were shortcomings and you have become more mature.This acceptance beautifies the glory of feeling and living. This helps to add full stop to your chapter at the right time.

Confused?? Do not get confused. Well, I am talking about my past life and at the same time about blogging.I am not trying to say that i will stop blogging. But the saga of stories and poems i used to write has come to an end.I cannot stop blogging, i used to do it before i was in love. I did it when i was in love . And the breakup helped a different person in me emerge. Now, it is all about me, not about someone else.

Business empires can be built from scratches. We have so many times read articles about people from scratches to riches, from rags to new empires. But it is just the opposite with life. If you are thinking of building a new life out of scratches of past, I might not be mistaken to say that you are wrong. This will only program a bad emotional guidance system in your mind. Therefore, I am ending a chapter; to start afresh.

Emptiness Or Spaciousness....??

Past few years of my life have been a great learning period for me.Life has given unexpected,shocking surprises to me. First I failed in my attempts for fixed career,as a result of which the relationship that i treasured the most came to an end. Then periods of emotional turmoil and struggle started. It has been at one time a horrifying experience for me. Months and months of rumination and reclusion from my social life to get away from the phantoms of my past was merely enough. And the most terrifying of all was the feeling of emptiness within self.

'So, you people got it?' No. Read the above paragraph again.My life was merely fulfilled because of a girl, friends, money, relatives and the social life i had. All my life i have been trying to collect more. More of what this universe has gifted me in abundance. More love, more friendship, more money and more of anything and everything that i could possibly get. A suitable word for this is greed. At one instance i lost one of those things, i got hurt, angry, sad and i even cried. I got angry and sad when a guy dedicated one of his poems to my ex-girlfriend. I got sad when she did not recieve my calls and messages. In fact, I was frustrated about everything that was happening. Emptiness for me was a existential sickness.

We all at one time or other in our life fall into this vicious circle of collection and renunciation. Our life as such keeps moving from one extreme to the other. How many times have we questioned ourselves?Despite the knowledge that universe has everything in abundance for us all, Why do we feel the emptiness? Why is it that we feel we are living with wounds that cannot be healed?Why do we keep running after these loaded subjects?

I was so exhausted of trying to fill this empty space.However I tried, it could never be fulfilled. And i know that none of you can fill it. It is so vast, unlimited and infinite. I therefore decided to stay in silence and feel it at peace.This was a beautiful afternoon and a crazy one for me. I came home after a hectic schedule of work, freshen up and texted a message to my friend. I began to feel restless. I went to my bookshelf only to see books i have read many many times. I was getting quite frisky. I needed to channelise this energy to one activity that i was not quite sure of. Something inside me was becoming aware of an unknown. I went to the store room with the same notion. A notion that both happiness and sadness,bliss and hell, beautiful and ugly are imagination. Only reality is witnessing the conscience. Emptiness is getting lost in these webs of imaginations.Huh! I was eyeing for the cartoon where i had disposed almost 300 books. Books that live with me.I was trying to open the cartoon when something banged beside me. A cloud of dust went up in the air leaving a sick smell in my nostrils. Ah! It is the suitcase. My suitcase. A navy blue coloured possession since my childhood. I opened it. There was nothing other than dust and ruts in the chains.It was utterly empty just like me. It has so much space that i decided to store my most coveted things in it.Suddenly, to my utter surprise, I got an answer. At first, I doubted myself, then it felt weird and smile spread over my face. Yes, it is unbelievable. Only thing you need to do is change the direction of your thoughts. It is not emptiness, it is spaciousness. We have enough space to bring in the world to us. There is so much space that world becomes too small for the love, riches and beautiful moments to share and life too short to live them.

There is so much within us that when we start giving, greed, possessiveness vanishes;there is so much that it never gets exhausted. Those moments came back swirling in my head when i chanted 'panchasil' from tripitak in my school days, When bhikshyu 'Kondanya' spoke out to me with his hands over my head. Yes, those times when we listened to Bikasananda, read Osho, Khalil Gibran and all those philosophers i knew of. They were so right. Rajnis was so right when he said,"experience your emptiness so totally that emptiness itself becomes fullness."

आज एउटा गीत लेखुं

आज एउटा गीत लेखुं प्रीत निवासमा

नांगिए'छ हृदय हजुर पाना पानामा

 आउछीँन की भनि बाटो हेर्छु हर सन्ध्यामा
गुहारे'छु पागल झैं मन्दिर,मस्जिद,गुम्बामा

आसुँको तकिया,बिलौनाको बिछ्यौना हर रातमा
भास्सिए'छ जिन्दगी हजुर यो कस्तो रागमा !  

 राप्ती खोली धमिली भइन् यै मासमा
झारे'छु आँसु प्रितको अपुरो आशमा   

साँचेको छु उनको याद सास सासमा
च्यातिए'छ जिन्दगी हजुर फूलको रासमा

Dear Readers,

This is a very very simple poem. But it is very very special for me at the same time.It  was written some eleven years back when i was a 8th grader. I was learning to write Ghazals at the time at the year 2057 end.Through this poem, I would love to thank Netra Atam sir, Bishnu Adhikari sir, Bhola nath Ojha sir, Dhurba Basyal sir and a lot of respect and gratitude goes to Kumar Parajuli sir who discovered a poet, a flambouyant speaker in an introvert guy. Kumar Parajuli sir if it were not for you, i would have never known what a competition is, what it is to win, to participate, to loose, to be appreciated and recognised.

The Fake Diary

It was a beautiful evening. I saw her at Sundhara and we even exchanged few words. She has avoided me for almost a year.
"she still loves you". My friend asserted.
"Don't be stupid".
"Did you look at her eyes? It was moist and she was trying hard to appear comfortable".

"I am talking no more on this. I am leaving". So, i took my leave alone atop the small hill of Halchowk. The wind was hitting hard on my face.I am familiar with it, it possess that same aroma. It has never changed from the time i have been here during the time i felt lonely, sad,irritated and desperate out of emptiness within me. It's aroma has always filled me with love,insanity and creativity.The void within me is resonating now and i smile and thank it for being there.

I was desperate to see her.But she was right in front me and i don't remember looking at her.All these years, I have been contemplating my love for her.I have been so much fascinated by my feelings for her that i have forgotten how she feels for me.Isn't that absurd?Isn't it madness that i have renounced joy for so many months. I have robbed myself of my feelings, or endless moments and seconds of ephemeral joy. Why is joy so momentary? Maybe I am right if i say nothing is eternal or another way round, everything is short lived.

'So, love is not eternal. Neither is she'- I whispered to the wind. I could feel that it was listening to me. It gently caressed my hair,the way my mother does when i am tired and sit by her side. Suddenly, she does not become important to me.I feel as light as the wind. I reassured myself that I should not live in either my past or my future.

The secret of life is not in the past.Future can neither be revealed.The complex words of my diary, the books i have read and the movies i watch do not reveal my life.I remember the words of 'tathagat' wherein he stresses that our attachment towards the things corrupt us not the things themselves.Love has always been there in abundance. My expectations were in the wrong place.

Just like Santiago says,"Maktub". It is written.I should just listen to my heart and move on.The road is long with ups and downs, it is dusty and smooth and there are bends. But i have enjoy every bit of it. I deserve it. Destiny is there to guide me.

May be the wind has read my mind.It went off as if to leave me at peace. I sit down and open my diary.

I have been content in my past.I begin to turn the pages of my diary.Every page, each words appear dull to me. They are lifeless. It is against the nature. I have never seen my Cats cry and complain. I have never felt the plants in my garden complain. They just live it sharing their blossoms in the spring.The dairy suddenly appears fake to me.I am burying it among the sands and move on to explore the life that i have. The journey has just begun..............

सवरी

त्यो दिन पुरानो याद् जस्तै अमीलो थियो,निरस थियो। असार श्रावनको पानी जस्तै धमिलो थियो ।मेरो छेउबाट एक जोडी हिडिरहेका थिए । नौ-दस कक्षामा पढ्ने जस्ता देखिन्थे । "फाल्गुन चैतमा पनि के भाको होला यस्तो?"- केटी भन्दै थि' । म पनि एकछिन आकशतिर हेरेर सोच्न थालें । मेरो आमाले सुनाउनु भएको सिलोक याद् आयो । सिलोक उनै मामाघरे हजुरबा स्वर्गिये खेमनाथ उप्रेतीले गाउनु भएको थियो करिब  चार पाँच दसक अगाडी। आजको परिबेशमा यो झन सान्दर्भिक छ:          

साउन मासमा धुलो उड्छ,

                 चैत मासमा बर्खा

समयले घुमाइ ल्याउंछ

                उल्टो उल्टो चर्खा ।

बाटोमा हिड्दै,आकशतिर हेर्दै कालो बादलमा अक्रिती कुँद्नन थालेको थिएँ । हरेकचोटी धर्ति निलुला जसरी मुख बाइरहेको अक्रिती आउँथ्यो । मन रोमान्चित भएर आयो । अफिस जानका लागि कुद्नेहरुको हूल थियो सडकमा। हतास,आतुर,ब्यग्रहरुको भिडमा म रमाएको थिएँ । छेउको पसलमा रेडियोले जापानमा गएको भुकम्पको बारेमा फलाकिरहेको थियो । आणविक भट्टीमा भएको बिस्फोटले एसिया महाद्विपभरी त्रासदी फैलाएको थियो । पुरानो ट्रली बसपार्क पछाडि एउटा पान पसल छ । त्यहाँ केही अध्बैन्सेहरु ब्यापक छलफल गरिरहेका थिए । अब त जापानी केटी छुनै नहुने भयो भनेर हाँस्दै थिए । कोहि अब नूनको अभाब हुने भन्दै नून किन्न सल्लाह दिरहेका थिए । म निसब्द, मौन,शान्त र एक्लै अगाडि बढीरहेँ ।  पत्तै नपाई कार्यालय भवन् अगाडि आइपुगेछु । म अवाक भएर अलि अगाडि सडक पारिपट्टी हेरिरहेँ ।

\

 त्यो त्रिपुरा सुन्दरीको मन्दीर । त्यससँग जोडिएका बल्यकालका याद्हरु जो त्यो बादल जस्तै धमिलो छ, ती कलेज दिनहरु जब म क्लास नगै नगै कुनै केटीसँग त्यहाँ आएर बसेको थिएँ जुन  सम्झदा खुशी  लाग्छ । पर कुनामा जाइ हरियो भएर फूल लाग्न लागे जस्तो लाग्यो । एकट्क उभिएर हेरिरहेँ । या याद् ताजा गर्न हो,या याद्ले दुखेर हो, या कुनै हराएको चिज देखे जस्तो लागेर हो ।  

 त्रिपुरा सुन्दरीको गजुर मत्तियेको थियो। बादलले ढाकेको आकाशमा सुर्य लुका मारी खेलेको हो की जस्तो भान हुन्थ्यो। लेउ,खियाको बीचबाट त्यो गजुर सुर्यलाई जिस्काइरहेथ्यो । एकदिनलाई भए पनि घाम भन्दा चम्किलो देखिएको  थियो । मलाई पनि तेस्को घमन्ड देखि डाहा लाग्यो । त्यो गजुर देखि ईस्र्या लाग्यो ।म अफिस नगै सिधा त्यो मन्दिर भित्र छिरें । 

त्रिपुरा  सुन्दरीको परिसर त नानाथरी कार्यालयहरुले खायेछन् । गृह मन्त्रालयको पनि एउटा कार्यालय रहेछ । मन्दिरका सिढींहरु भत्किन लागेका जस्ता देखिन्थे । दुबो पनि उम्रिएको रहेछ ठाउँ ठाउँमा ।रंग उढिसकेको भित्ताहरु,फोहोर र संरक्षणको प्रयासको अबाभले मन्दिर पनि त्यो दिन जस्तै थियो ।  कसैले कुममा हात राखे जस्तो लाग्यो । सिमान्त रहेछ । संगै काम गर्ने साथी मेरो । चुरोटको धुँवा मेरो मुखतिर फ्याक्दै लाउनुस येस्तो बेलामा यो भन्दा राम्रो अर्को औषधी छैन भन्न थाल्यो । म हाँसे मात्र ।  सबै सोचको प्रादुर्भाब हो । त्यो अंबली हुनुमा कसैको दोश छैन । म अंबली हुन चाहन्न । कम्जोरी ढाक्न बलियो बन्ने हो कम्जोर होईन । चुरोटको धुवाँले उस्को फोक्सोको भित्ताहरु त्यो मन्दिरको भित्ता जस्तै पारेको होला ।

मैले सुइय सुस्केरा हालें । निकै ठुलो पहाड उकले जस्तो ; एउटा गरो जोती भ्याएको हलीले जस्तो । सुस्केरा सन्तुस्टीले प्रत्याभुत भए जस्तो ।

 उ हेर आयो ! आयो ! याद्हरुको भंगालोले छोप्यो । मेरो बर्तमान सोत्तर पार्ने गरि आयो; भाट्भटेनी , पशुपति,स्वप्नबाग ,बलुवाटार , जोरपाटी ।  आवाजहरु पट्यार लाग्दो;किरिमिरी कस्तो कस्तो,कन्चट मै हाने जस्तो;भाउन्न भएर आयो ।  च्याप्प समातेछ साथीले। लथ्र्याक लुथ्रुक्क परेको मेरो शरीरलाई उस्ले आड लगाइदियो जाइको फेदमा । 

म लेख्छु

म लेख्छु,
त्यो ह्रिदयेको औजारले
चेतन,अर्धचेतन र बिन्दुको सन्सर्गले
पागल प्रेमी,क्रन्दन बिचित्रको
बीक्षिप्त अक्षी रोदनले तेस्को ।
म उठ्छु,
त्यो ह्रिदयेको बैभबले
तेस्को र मेरो सामिप्यको
प्यास,त्रिस्ना,वास्नाले बनेको हाम्रो      
न रती,न मेनका,न मीरा त्यो
जस्तो संगीतले छेडेको राग त्यो
साथी
हाय!हाय! क्या द्रस्टब्य भो
वास्नाको निचोड नितम्ब या बक्ष हो?
प्रेम सुकिलो,कोमल,त्यो अमृत थ्यो
हिर्दयेको पत्र पत्र धुजा धुजा भो      
अवनिभरमा एक्लो चरित्र त्यो
म फुक्छु,
बिगुल अस्तित्वको
नभको चम्किलो तारा  त्यो
 सफलता खोज्छे जादुगर्नी त्यो
प्रेम जोख्छे तराजुमा कस्तो
पासाण कस्ती? चट्टान जस्ती
चटक्क छाडी त्यो भागी
म कोर्छु
कथा,ब्यथा पागलको,सत्यबानको
युद्ध मन्को,तनको,प्रेमको
जो जान्दिन,बुझ्दिन,सम्झिन्न तेसले
अन्तर्मनको,चैतन्यको
कोकिल डाक्छे बसन्त
त्यो प्रेम पलुकित
जागेको नदको ज्योति सरी
छताछुल्ल अगनैभरी  
म देख्छु,
त्यो आएकी टक्क टक्क
वाचाल मुटु ढक्क फुल्छ
कण कण नशको प्रफुल्ल हुन्छ
कल्मस लताले बढारेसरी
झरीले द्वेस पखाले सरी
धिक्क धिक्क यो प्रेम बिचित्र
मनोहर मन्को फोहोरी खेल
एक्लो मन स्वच्छ,स्निग्ध      
म कुर्छु,
त्यसलाई आशा जगाइ
 आएको त्यो देख्नु छ
स्पर्स प्रेमको बुझ्नु छ
ह्रिदयेको गणित हुदैन साथी
शास्त्रले त्यो बुझ्दैन फगत्
म त बिचलित मन्को उपज
चन्चल वायु बह्यो
तेस्को श्वासको सुगन्ध ल्यायो
तेजतेज हेर धड्कन कुद्यो
पत्थर मन आज नुह्यो
म जान्छु,
म हेर्छु,
म भोग्छु,  
त्यो प्रेम अजिब भावगङ्गा
ब्यधा होईन म बोधले हो
श्रवन भाद्र कस्तो आयो
एकपल साथको लागि मन रमायो
त्यो जान्दिन,जग जान्दैन
बेद जान्दैन,जात जान्दैन,धरमा जान्दैन
म लेख्छु
तेस्को प्रतिक्षामा एक जूनी कटायो !
प्रेमले प्रेम रेट्यो
प्रेमले प्रेम्कै माथ टेक्यो
चखेवी हेर भुर्‍रर् उडी
आसाका एक झुन्ड तारा खसे
मनुवा-चखेवा रुदै बसे ।

उहीले र ऐ'लेका कुरा

अहिलेका पुस्ताले 'पोप्कोर्न' भन्छन् तर मलाई भुटेको मकै भन्दा स्वाद आउंछ । अंग्रेजी लवज प्रसिद्ध छ तर मेरो भाषा मिठो र कलकलाउदो छ । खाजामा आमाले भुटेको मकै र गुन्द्रुक साध्नु भएको रहेछ । येस्तो बेला मलाई पुराना कुराहरु कोट्याउन मन लाग्छ । मेरा मामाघरका हजुरबा सिलोक भन्न माहिर हुनुहुन्थ्यो रे,त्यस बेलाका बाहुनहरुको खुबी हो त्यो । मेरो सिमित ज्ञानले जाने बुझेसम्म सिलोक गाउने सैली हो ।  आमाले एउटा सिलोक बडा मिठो भाका हालेर सुनाउनु भो । यो सिलोक उनै हजुरबाले गाउनु भएको थियो रे:

"डाँडा पाखा रैल मोटर गुरुरुरु चल्लान     

  तिम्रा हाम्रा झुपडीमा बिजुली नी बल्लान" 

त्यस बेलाको हाम्रो देशको बिकाशको थिती ठम्याउन सकिन्छ । हाम्रा डाँडा पाखामा बाटोहरु धेरै बनेका छन् त्यस बेलाको तुलनामा । साँघुरा बाटाहरु,भत्किएका बाटाहरु । येस्ता बाटाहरु जहाँ मन्त्री हिड्दा जनताका  बाहनलाई ब्याटनले हिर्काइ हिर्काइ सुबिधा उपभोग गर्छन्; तिनैबाट चुनेका मन्त्रीहरु । यो मैले काठमाडौंको सडकमा ओहोर दोहोर गर्दा बारम्बार महसुस गरेको कटु सत्य हो ।  रैल हाम्रा शहरहरुमा गुड्ने कल्पनामा हामी बल्ल रमाउन थालेका छौं । त्यहि बेलामा सिलोकमा भन्न भ्याएछन्,धन्नका रहेछन मेरा मामाघरे हजुरबा ! ती बेलाका ब्राहमणहरु तेसै कहलाइएका  त पक्कै होइनन् ।  

तिनका बेलामा बिजुली थिएन,हाम्रा बेलामा बिजुली बल्दैन । बिद्युत  उत्पादनका लागि लाईसेन्से वालाहरुको दलालीमै फुर्सद हुन्न हाम्रा उर्जा मन्त्रीलाई । उत्पादन कसरी होस्?उर्जा मन्त्रीको भब्य बिदाइ हाम्रो मानसपटलबाट गएको छैन। मन्रिका घरमा बत्ती बल्दा सम्पुर्ण रास्ट्रबासी अध्यारोमा रुम्मलिएका हुन्छन् । सर्बसाधारणका झुपडीमा बिजुली अझै धेरै बर्ष सम्म बल्दैन ।

कागज,कलम र म

कागज, कलम र म । एक हप्ता देखिका मेरा साथीहरु मलाई छोड्न मानिरहेका छैनन् । यी तठस्थ छन्।साँचै    गजबका रहेछन् । म घ्रिणा पोखुँ  या प्रेम पोखुँ , यिनीहरुलाई सन्ताप छैन न त खुशी नै छ; छताछुल्ल पोखिदिन्छन । यो फेब्रुअरी को मासमा प्रेम भुक-भुक उम्लियेर आयो । यिनले पनि तेलाई प्रस्रये दिए,मलजल गरे र मलाई प्रेमले ओतप्रोत गराइदिए । ह्रिदयेका भग्नावसेसहरुमाझ बसेर म लेखिरहेछु निरन्तर। बजार गुल्जार छ नव यौवनाहरुका उन्मत्त सौखले र मेरो डायरिका पानाहरु प्रदिप्त छन् पुराना याद्हरुले । हुन त याद्हरुमा समर्पण गर्ने मान्छे म होईन तर याद्हरुले जुन बित्रिस्ना पैदा गराउंछ तेस्का निमित्त समर्पण भाव जन्मिदो रहेछ। त्यसैले आज यिनै सखिहरुका लहडमा  बसी म आफ्नै  केरकार गर्दै छु । 

                 

बर्बर्ती खसाल्ने आसुँका दानाले मेरो निद्रा पनि भङ्ग गर्छ। उस्ले आँफैलाई त्यती कमजोर बनाएकी थीइ। उस्को त्यो हबिगत को जिम्मेवार,कर्ज्दार थीयो उस्को सोच्ने सैली। संसार भरिका दोसहरु आफ्नो थाप्लोमा लिन्थी र उस्को पोक्ची गालाबाट आसुँका दाना बर्सिन्थे।  हाँसोमा बेदना छचलकिएर मेरो जिउभरी छिटा पर्थ्यो र म उसलाई मुसारिरहन्थे,सम्झाइरहन्थे,थपथपाइरहन्थे । उ मेरो आँखामा पुलुक्क हेर्थी र हास्थी स्नेहले र विश्वाशले की म सधैं उस्को छेउमा त्यसरी नै हुनेछु भनेर । उसको आँखा ठुला ठुला गूचा जस्ता थिए । घन्टौ सम्म उस्को आँखामा हेरेर बस्न मन  लाग्थ्यो । चनचले,अल्लारे र बैंसले धपक्कै बलेकी थियी। येस्ती मेरि गुडिया थीइ । संसारलाई अफु जस्तै सोच्थी,तेसरी नै हेर्थी । सार्है सोझी थी । उसलाई अफिस होस् वा घर,बसपार्क वा माईक्रोमा होस् रुनुलाई कुनै शक्तिले रोक्न सक्दैन थियो। कहीले कति धेरै माया गर्ने मान्छे पाए भनेर रुन्थी । कसैले नलाएको माया मैले लगाएछु !   

समय बलबान छ,क्रुर छ,निर्दयी छ;समय तठस्थ छ । हामी जीवनको दौडमा जस्तो तयारीले प्रस्तुत हुन्छौ तेसै अनुरुपको समय प्रति लगाव देखाउछौ । शायद तयारीमा त्रुटी थियो र उ म भन्दा धेरै धेरै टाढा भई। म कुद्नन सकिन या उस्ले भेट्न चाहीन । मन कुडियेर आउछ,अस्थिर हुन्छ । बर्खाको झरी सरी पानी बर्सेको बर्स्यै छ र एक्लोपन बिझाइरहेछ । उ खुशी होली नयाँ जिन्दगी देखि । अब त रुन्न होली ।एकबर्ष धेरै लामो अन्तराल हो,परिबर्तित भएकी होली,सजग हुन सिकेकी होली ।

  रातको साँढे एघार भएछ,पानि अझै सिमसिम परिरहेछ। पल्लो घरमा गाउँबाट आएका एक जना झाँक्री  मेरो  छिमेकीको  छोरीको ज्वरो नीको गर्न यो रातमा सिमे भुमे फलाक्दै छन् । छिप्पीदै गएको रातसंगै मन बहकिदै छ ।   म छु ,कलम र कागज को टुक्रा छ ।यिनै सखिहरुका साथमा भावनाका हाँगाहरुमा सोइसाला खेल्दै छु । 

म त बलेको बल्यै छु...

म त बलेको बल्यै छु
ताप्न तिमी आइनौ
न्यानो अन्तै भएछ त
निभाएर किन गैनौ?

मेरो सानिध्यले पोल्यो की तिमीलाई
फर्केर नी हेरिनौ
शितल खोजेको रहेछौ त
पहिले किन भनिनौ?

म त कुरेको कुर्यै छु
भेट्न तिमिले खोजिनौ
मन अन्तै दिएछौ त
 माया लाउंदिन किन भनिनौ?

म त बलेको बल्यै छु
ताप्न तिमी आइनौ....  

Failing

Failing is painful no matter how positive i am. Past few years of my life have been a juncture of failures. I have failed  in meeting the expectations of my friends and families. I have failed in keeping my relationship intact. I have failed in my own eyes.Poor me!

I have done everything i could to keep a big smile on my face.I keep going through Shiva Khera's book "You Can Win",which revolves around the vicinities of attitude in life. Lately, I have subscribed to "The Secret Scrolls" by Rhonda Byrne and Robin Sharma's inspirational news letters.But the gestapos of failures are clever enough to see which direction i am fleeing to and they are successful in capturing me time and again.

I look back at my life. I have spent many days in trying to trace the route that brought me here but to no avail. I have often grated my memories of those halcyon days of my sophomore years in college with my failures.It is even more agonizing.Yes, those days when my lectures lauded me for my creativity,my juniors gave me five and asked for cigrattes as a treat. Those were the days when someone would call me for hours to say how much she loved me.Those were the days when she would cry to know how much i loved her. We shared many days and nights of intimacy and possessiveness and cried together out of love for each other.  But nothing is left with me after she went away from my life. I have become lonely. Retrospection is even more painful.

I need to take doses of motivational movies and books time and again. A book and a movie cannot help  me withstand my failures for more than a week.Being alone has become the best proven practice for my emotional stability. I often console myself that to suffer is my 'karma'.So, i should embrace pain. It is like treating a migraine.

These days my favorite motivational tool has been a movie 'Mongol'. The protagonist of the movie,'Temudgin'  lives a life of failures. His father was khan who was killed by his own man second to him in command. Then he keep running all his life to escape death from their hands. His house was burnt and his wife was taken away by the 'Merkits'.

I sorted out some similarities from the movie to my life. It was comforting. Just like the old man at the enemy's camp who fed him,like the monk who took his message of being alive to his wife borte; i have my father who stands beside and feed me with inspirations, i have my brother and friends who believe that one day i can win and my mother who alike Borte has an unwavering faith in my potentials.Temudgin's final war to unite the Mongols was with his brother,Jamukha who had helped him win back Borte from the Merkits. By the grace of Lord Tengri, thunder, darkness and rain began to overppower the sky above them. Jamukha's army kneeled in the ground and Temugdin won the war .

When Jamukha was presented in front of Tamudgin as prisoner of war. He asked," All Mongols fear the thunder, but not you?' "I had no place to hide from the thunder.So, i wasn't afraid anymore", replied Tamugdin. Similar is my fate.I have grown much much stronger than i knew.No more do i fear failures. Failures can no more inundate my world.Destiny is already written and i am working harder and harder each day in building the bridge to reach there. Failing is painful but i can smile and say how happy i am for her when i will encounter my ex girlfriend with someone else.Just like Tamudgin,one more time i am ready to fail so that i can bounce back strong  and say it is painful with a smile.