Happily Married for two years

Every time I come out of a theatre, I used to contemplate the creativity and showmanship of the business. An entire gamut of events, emotions are portrayed and displayed in just a moment of time. And life is no different...

Here I am, wearing the White Kurta she gifted me on our first marriage anniversary and contemplating our journey of two years. My Facebook news feed is all blue with few loved ones sending lovely wishes. Here comes the most difficult part: my wifey has sent me all the pictures she wants me to post on Facebook. I am still not used to spilling my emotions over Facebook. And yes, I have been happily married for two years now.

A small family of four is a good family. We had a small, happy family. My parents spent all their lives raising us. But the day my wife adopted us as her family changed everything. It is very different to have girls in your family. My sisters ( father's sister and their daughters, cousins) lightened up when they visited us which never happened before. Raising boys in a home of a veteran had the reputation of strictness and discipline. There were more smiles, more nonsensical talks, bursts of laughter. The most important gift I now think must have been her presence for my mother. I believe that she as a female  helped restore the feminine side of my mother ( I can vaguely assume as my mother was the only female before I got married ).

I have this complexity with words. I cannot be upfront with people. I fear people. I keep running around the edges. My marriage therefore completes me. She is blunt, sharp and so to the point; I sometimes get jealous of her. Her ingenuity and truthfulness is a lethal combination that at times embarrasses others including me (honestly) as we bask in glory of our deeds/interpretations for all the wrong reasons.

My beloved has created a beautiful family away from home for me. I cannot imagine how a girl who has been pampered all her life manages so many roles of a companion, daughter-in-law, daughter, sister and her work. She has immersed herself in all these roles and given me in abundance.

My wife has the biggest secret of happiness. She is happy at little acts that we often ignore. That is the complete opposite of the complex me. Only instances I have won her is in arguments (I can safely assume I am very good at fallacious reasoning  with her :)). 

These two years therefore have been wonderful periods of savouring life a single bite at a time. I have thousands of reasons to thank her. And yes, I got these Aha! feelings to write almost after two years.

To all those, who got married today, Happy Marriage Anniversary!! 

Traditional love in modern marriage

" What are you doing?"

A usual message sprang up in my viber. This is how she converses with me. We have been trying to talk to each other for the last few days. But viber is the only saving grace for us. Thanks to the internet connectivity in Nepal.

I saw her only once. My parents were in a Pooja in my grandma's home. I was eating alone in my bed, watching movies which is a luxury when your parents are not home. They cannot tolerate eating anywhere else other than the dining table. They called me up to catch up with them the next day. They have seen a girl for me.

"Begum Saiba, I am talking to you."

"Oh! so you speak little bit of urdu also."

" Wife sounds little odd. Srimati ji is old people talking. Begum Saiba sounds classy, respectful. Doesn't it?"

She was like, " Oh! Ok."

A whole day journey on a bus through the dusty roads of Prithvi Highway had drained all my energy. My uncle, my nieces and my brother in law were along with me when we went to see her that evening. There were whole bunch of people. They almost knew everything about me. We talked a lot about everything else. Her brother in law reminisced about my grand father. And I thought to add something more about my grandfather.

"My grandfather loved talking to people. He loved walking around, visiting people who are nice to him. Sometimes, he would just talk to a random young lady. He would read their hands, talk about their marriages, future husbands. People loved him."

That was almost half an hour. They had not even talked about the girl I came to see. And suddenly from behind the curtains, neatly dressed in a Kurta, with her eyes shining; she entered the room.

That was the first time I saw her.

It was different. I have seen hundreds of girls on streets, admired their beauty and often looked back at them. But this time, it was different. I was blank. I was nervous. She asked few questions about my age, my qualification, my work and that was it.

As I am writing this post, at this moment, we are sharing pictures, talking about our interests, talking about love.

I have written hundreds of love letters during my days at school for my friends. I have scribbled a lot of poems on love. But this experience is different. I felt it for the first time when my Aunt from neighborhood (everyone lovingly calls her Bimu aunty. We have been neighbors for almost two decades now and have been there for each other through thick and thins.), my mother and father were busy buying make up kits and dresses for her.

She would be leaving her home and everything behind to come with me. They were therefore making sure that they bought everything from shampoos to night gowns. It was that moment when everything inside me changed. I have never ever left anything for anybody. There in front of me were my mother, my aunt who had left everything behind for their family.

As I sit here and contemplate my relationship with my to be bride, I am learning to love. For the first time, I felt like I should write a love letter. 

If she happens to read this, I think she will ( she is on my friend's list in Facebook); "My dear to be bride, I love you. I wish to continue the remaining years of my life with love!

There will be houses again..

I see an elderly woman

A child playing beside her

She has been staring for hours

at the rubble of a house.

Gone are her loved ones

husband, son, daughters, in laws

And she lives amongst the rotten smell of her pets

From those buried alive

rises the effigies of beautiful memories.

White faces, brown faces, black faces

All human faces

Who live under the different flags

walk helping around her villages

She offers a  hot black tea

and her toothless grin.

People around the world write in wonder

What are we made of?

And I say to them

"Hey! Monsoon is near

With those same grieving hands

We will create miracles."

The deserted fields you see in horror today

Will be lush green in September

There will be houses again,

Hearts firm and strong

They will sing and dance

In our melodious folk songs.

LET IT GO

I had long, curly, shabby hair. I was a loner. I hardly talked to anybody. I sat alone in my desk and books from the Library were my friends. Can you believe it? A post graduate student with all these traits. But that changed when a classmate took faster strides along with me and invited to his room. A new digital music system with old songs and interesting things about his past over a cup of tea. It was one and a half years back and today I bade him the final Goodbye.

Goodbyes aren't easy. They have never been easy for me. A decade long life of school in a boarding house earned me life long friends and almost everyone were teary as we departed. I wonder, how did my parents cope with it? How do people fill that vacuum inside them? As years keep passing by, we become used to losing. May be deep inside our heart, we keep saying "LET IT GO".

At an early age, I stayed away from my parents. As time progressed, I learnt to enjoy the company of friends. Want to dress, eat, live the way I wanted could never come true. There were limitations, rules and regulations, the violation of which had severe consequences. During graduating years, I learnt to keep personal secrets from my parents. I bunked classes to a date which ended with bitter memories. My parents knew about it, but they also thought to, "Let it go". Life was teaching me lessons when another girl, I fell for, My MUSE suddenly said, she is getting engaged. It is as if loosing is what we are here for. The ultimate purpose of being borne as a living being. Every circumstances tells you to let go, keep quiet and silently face the music of life. Yes, I kept quiet. It is even more painful. It is suffocating, but I am living through it everyday. A long time ago, my younger brother used to put on a quote, " When the going gets tough, the tough get going". To precisely add to it, I lost my Grandfather.

I am not ruthless. I am not heartless but time has numbed me. May be my parents cry in their solitude. May be my gal also felt the pain but as a rational being, she found better options. Is that how Life should always be? Should we always be suppressed by failures over the nature of life?

Have I lost only? What about the gains, I have made in Life? Do they outweigh what I have lost in due course of time? Ah! there are so many questions, that cannot be answered. May be because, there are more questions that will pop up as we keep living. It's the fate of being a mortal being.

I therefore bade my friend, a simple goodbye, as we hugged each other tightly and I said to myself," LET IT GO". On this day of holi ( festival of colors), Life splashed another color in my Life.

Love and sweater : knit together...!

'Oye choti (meant to say you are too young)! how was your day?' I Watsapped my friend.

She sent a picture of a beautiful sunset. She was standing alone." We had a fight. I ended up watching the sunset alone."

Ah! It's been years that I haven't embraced someone with love. Have I been so unconvincing in these years to my opposite sex? Well, I do miss those moments when I would walk my girl to home and suddenly hid beside a tree in the road to kiss her. Here, the next day, I sit in front of a handsome Afghan guy who happens to be my friend and his lover preaching about the advantages of  a kiss. Oh..! how both of them blush as I narrated my past inside the University's cafe. They love my story. They fall in love with each other again.

Many as they talk express falling in love as an irrational act. There's no plausible reason to fall in love. It happens for  them. But for me it's different. It has always been different. Love starts with the handful of thoughts about a girl you imagine. These feelings are soft balls of emotions like a beautiful red yarn. Like a beautiful knitter, both individuals start off from the selvages ( the side edges).It is at least how mine started. We were two lonely souls sharing to each other; the thoughts loosened like the threads of the yarn and the knitting began. It was a flat knitting.

Our past did hurt us. We would keep rambling about our experiences. She would be in tears. I would caress her and pat her.After a short while, she would smile back at me with compassion. This is to purl all the stitches on the wrong side. There were rough patches in that short journey of life with her. We too fought and went crazy. It was time to double knit.

After years of break up, we have come to terms with each other. I recollect all those beautiful memories she gave me to cherish forever. And one night, before the valentine's day, I wanted to wish her for warm hugs and love . As I did so, one action of my life came to a full circle. That night, she told me about the sweater she had knitted. It had beautiful edges and borders. Knitted with love for the self, her inner self had outgrown in many ways.

That was my story some years back as meditative and blissful as knitting a sweater. When you create love, you re-create a world. A world where the barriers between minds end and emerges a unison that is physical ,irrational and often implausible directed by the rational mind. Love therefore is rational, a process to evolve that makes living worthwhile.

Happy Valentine's day everyone...!!

स्मृतिपटमा विलिन .....

मलाई कुममा बोकेर हजुरबा हिड्दै हुनुहुन्थ्यो। म चाही डरले उनलाई भुत्ल्याउदै , लात्ताले हिर्काउदै थिए।
 हाय जिन्दगि ! स्म्रितिपटमा बिस्तारै विलिन हुदै छ; जसै उनी समयको नोक- झोकमा विलिन भए।  बस् जिन्दगी यत्तिनै रहेछ, आउनु र विलिन हुनु।  गाह्रो त याद लिएर बाच्नेहरुलाइ हुने रहेछ। 

म घर पुग्नेबित्तिकै आगनमा आमा आउनु भो। आँखा रसीलो पार्दै म्वाई खाएर सुम्सुम्याउनु भो। त्यो अलौकिक क्षणपछी म हजुरबुवाको कोठामा गए। ठुलो  हजुरबा , हजुरआमा , काकीहरु  सबै थिए।  ओर पर छर छिमेकीहरु आउने जाने क्रम चलिरहेथ्यो। दुई महिनासम्म थला परेको,कुप्रिएको शरीर, पानी भरिएर सुन्निएको आँखा, अथाह पीडामा पलेटी कसी बसेका मेरा हजुरबा। 

"माथि हेर्नुस् त बुवा ,उ जेठो नाति आयो। सुदीप आयो। " मेरो बुवाले भन्नुभो। 

"सुदीप आयो भन्दै ,बल गरेरै शिर उठाएर मतिर हेर्नुभो।" आँखाबाट आँसुका दानाहरु झार्दै मलाई समात्नु भो। "मलाई छोडेर नजा है अब ",हजुरबाले भन्नुभो।  

माथिल्लो टोलमा यो गाउँको वीर ढल्यो अब भने 'रे। उनी रहिञ्जेल्सम्म आगनभरी आगन्तुकहरु, सुभेच्छुकहरुको कमी भएन। चौतारामा संगै उक्लिने उनका दाई  अब एक्लै जानेछन।  घर घरमा पुगी सोध्ने, खोज्ने एउटा सहृदयी पात्र उनलाई जान्नेहरुले गुमाए। तर मैले सत्य गुमाए।  एउटा सिधा साधा इमानदार कर्मयोगी गुमाए। मेरो भाइले त एउटा मुटुको टुक्रा गुमायो।  मेरो परिवारले आड लाउने भित्तो गुमाए। 

"पार्वती, मेरा यस्ता राम्रा छोरा -बुहारी, नातिहरु छन्। यत्तिका संपत्ति छ ,मैले कसरी छोडेर जाने होला। " मेरो आमालाई बोलाएर बिस्तारै मलिनो स्वरमा  भन्नुभो। मनुष्य चोला यिनै इच्छा आकाँन्क्ष्याहरुको  घम्सा-घम्सी रहेछ फगत्। 

आज तेर्हौ पुण्य तिथीको दिन उनी सम्झनाका पत्रहरु चिर्दै छन् मेरो मस्तिस्कमा। धेरै सपनाहरु ओइलाए ,मुर्झाए। उनी अब एउटा अद्रिस्य सपना भए।

 बिहान एक्लै हिड्दा सेतो तन्ना देख्छु , तुसारोको। जती अघी बढेपनि बस् सेतै देख्छु। जिन्दगी'नि त्यस्तै भएछ।  हा ! सबै अदृस्य स्मृतिमा विलिन भैरहेछ। 

The phone rang

I had a bad dream

so did I cry in sleep

I heard whispers among the fog

and the phone rang.

I heard a voice so feeble

it made me cry; like a child did I

it is not the pain troubling him

But his desires to see me.

I saw his pictures. Cancer has eaten his flesh

the strongest man I once knew, how could he fail?

Oh Yama! can't you just wait?

I have his dreams to fulfill.

With his trembling hands

He dreams of blessing my wife

in return a great grandchild would she offer.

My child and him; both with their toothless grin.

The phone rang again

I palpitated. My hands shook and I cried

My Grandfather on his bed

waits for me,more than death.

To leaders of my nation

A person with a good general knowledge knows that Nepal is a beautiful country. A nation with a great history. The peaceful, innocent ancestors of my land sacrificed themselves at the command of their rulers for the nations neighboring them and for those who came from far away lands of the west. They set an impeccable standard of gallantry, brutality and loyalty for whom they fought. But the world does not talk about them anymore?

The world today discusses about saving it from being a failed state. The unending political melodrama, corruption, political interference by foreign forces, lawlessness has seized the country while it fights everyday to promulgate its constitution.

I used to blame politicians alone for this. But I do that no more. The civil society; we have been responsible for all that is happening in my country today. What could be the steps, Nepal as a nation should take to solve the above mentioned challenges?

We had a peaceful election and the major parties right now are fighting for their stake in the government. While they do so, I believe that as responsible citizens of the nation, we should be preparing a road map for our country. We should let our government know, what we want them to do for us.

Our leaders engage in day to day activities that are futile. They are time wasters. The whole bureaucracy is set up to assist them. Leaders instead should be engaging in dialogue with the citizens to shape our policies. 

Our leaders should then be bold enough to communicate to the world that Nepal as a sovereign nation is capable of making decisions independently. If they want to see themselves as allies of the nation, they should be partnering with the help of the bureaucratic set up that we have; partner with agencies of development through investments rather than interventions.

As a student who has been keenly interested in international affairs lately, I see the South Asian economies dependence on charity and donations as a major hurdle to their development. So is the case with my country. Nepal should stop taking donations and start re-building itself. We as citizens of a sovereign nation should feel shameful everyday  to rely on the charity. These charities are the taxes paid out of the hard earned money of citizens of those countries.

But how should we be independent? Can our government and economy sustain without such charity?

 The world today is much interdependent while we are becoming more and more dependent everyday. We should therefore be an independent nation where we as sovereign citizens carve our own life to be able to create an alliance with the interdependent economies.The facts often speak the half truth for nations like us. The statements that often come from the media and intellectual society on how important charities are is just a myth. Data and information are there to tell how much of these funds are absorbed.

Let the people play an active role in the economy. A nation as small as ours does not require multi-national companies for development. It can effectively grow with our indigenous tools and techniques. We just need to seek out for them. Our leaders should therefore be engaging in dialogue with the civil society for our own organic development and for such policy redressals.

A country's fate is determined by the kind of leaders it has than the amount of resources. Israel is a better example to illustrate this fact. I just hope, this time, our leaders stand up to our aspirations.

Everything would be perfect

One fine day
Everything would be perfect
While they would put me on my grave..!!

I would smile
for all those odd years spent
I would cry for the days
that I spent heart broken, shattered and depressed
I would smile for every loving memories
Everything would be perfect
While they would put me on my grave..!!

I wonder
If I would remember the girl who loved me
Would I think
about the girl who dumped me
I would
live on the fragments of memories
of my friends and families
Everything would be perfect
While they would put me on my grave..!!

I would have a life
that I littered
With memories good and bad
How meaningful would it look?
For all gained and lost
Everything would be perfect
While they would put me on my grave..!!

Being me

Many years back,in my school days at a farewell program, I danced. Nobody called me on stage but I went up and danced. People who witnessed that still call it one crazy stuff that I did. I told stories, some from the books I read, some were spontaneous creation of my crazy mind but I am not a good story teller. My parents spent all their life on bringing me up, their savings for educating me but I am not a good student either. What am I doing with my life then? Nothing. Is that supposed to be good answer?

I am good at being me. This “me” is a very loaded subject. To be oneself is the most difficult job. I have failed to meet expectations of lot of people around me. While saying so, I am happy because as an average person I am sincere at what I do; tell stories, live with commitment to people around me, love them sincerely. I do not have an American dream so many youths of country like mine but I have my own dream. My dream is to be me. Share my stories, teach people to love sincerely, appreciate what they have and live in the present.

I live in dreams. I am a day dreamer. How can I teach others to live in the present when I am living in Illusion of past and future? Its simple. As people often say, a person teaches out of his failures. My failures in relationships, love, academics have taught me and this is what I am best at sharing with other people. I may not have my love by my side but I am telling you to believe in love, fall in love. A girl once told me, she no more believes in love after her boyfriend deserted her. My girl also ditched me. Its painful but I firmly believe in Love. I have failed in meeting expectations but I keep trying sincerely. This is me and this matters the most to people who love me.  who believe in me.

There are so many things going around us. As I play with the Kids in the neighbourhood, I often wonder what will happen to these Kids as they grow up. Their innocence, their laughter, their mischiefs, their sincerity. The world will miss them as they come of age. The spark that I saw in those eyes will be lost very soon. As I said earlier, these so many things are the societies we live in, the religious dogmas we faithfully perform, the social rituals, the dos and don’ts and the list goes on. But I have been me all the while.

So, be yourself. That’s all I have to say. The Life is best lived at the moment. Stop looking at the other side of the river to be happy. Stop postponing your dreams. Dream. Keep dreaming because my day dreams inspires me to live.

A day for my muse

It was in the late 90's, I was a small kid who knew a little about the world. A senior in my school handed me a book. It was a thick, old one written by a celebrated author of the time ( Little did I know at the time). I spent many study hours reading about a character, "Kumari Shova", a life of a living Goddess after she left the Kumari house ( a residence of a Kumari). The book had a huge influence on me. It gave a little boy figments of imagination.

I spent my school days writing about her. She took birth in the cuddles of my cursive writings and mersmerised the thoughts of many. She grew up through her puberty and she left me( in my childish writings). I therefore declared her death in one of my poems in front of the class. Everyone must have thought how stupid I looked. I must have been a block-headed guy for many. But let me tell you,  I was not. I was searching for my muse. The character no more fascinated me. I saw my friends dating other girls; the real ones. I wrote hell lot of love letters for so many of them. Therefore,  I declared her death to seek my real girl, my fascination for whom I could write tirelessly. My search came to an end on the last day of May. 

Her name comes from "Nakshatra", which means a measurement of solar distances between stars in Hindu astronomy. A search through the Sanskrit literature suggested that her name forms from the word which means a raga or a song.Songs are creative and so is she. She is like the glitter of a diamond that I could follow among the lotus flowers in a pond and seek for her till my body would give up on me. My soul would rise from its ashes and pursue for her. She is eccentric and eternal. She is my muse.

My journey has been a hazy one. The different phases of my life sublimely carved out its definitions on life, love, relationships, success, failures etc; the figurative shape of these artifacts resembles her. I do not know how my perceptions would change in the future, I wish for a time machine. I am astounded by my sheer observation over a period of time which shows that the change in me bluntly resembles the change in her. It does sound like one fucking crazy stuff for many but it's true.

Yes, it was the last day of May when I met her. May, a month of possibilities. With the end of the month, the possibilities to be with her seem to end as well. But my mind does not agree. My words penetrate beyond the possible and search for her in every pages. I have seen people become disrespectful towards their past, I have heard them regret, I have listened to their indignation and have been astonished by how they subdue the voice inside their head. But I fail to do so. I love her the more.

As we sat in the courtyard of the restaurant, she kept staring at the unknown. She was time and again lost in thoughts.As I kept looking at her in awe; I was wondering about the unknown space that existed between us.I do not know if we would meet again but what I know is that till the time I keep writing, my words will pursue her; my instinct would follow her and with her death will my love die. My stories will declare their death and those untold stories would be buried deep inside the grave and be sweetly sang by the knights of the darkness.

The Karma- Sutra

So many books have been written, articles published and undoubtedly thousands of influential speakers, inspirational leaders have talked about this. This is not a new topic I am discussing here. You might even wonder what is there that have been left to be discussed about on a topic as vague as "Karma" from an amateur writer. My urge to write on the topic grew strong as I began to see people moving without a sense of direction.

"Karma" in a simple word is an action. Just as we all have read in science textbooks in our school days, each action has an equal and opposite reaction. Thus every being on earth goes through the cause and effect cycle of their deeds as long as they survive. In Hindu mythologies, "Karma" uncovers a being's previous lives and their repercussion on their future lives. "Karma" for this post I am discussing is a karmic sadhana. Yes, I am talking with you all about each individuals day to day lives unlike the ascetic discipline and faith that sadhana evolves around.

From the biggest corporate honchos to the social businesses suffer from the ailment of karma at the present date. There is some news of demeaning actions by admired stakeholders of the societies at every nook and cranny of the globe. "Karma" as an unwavering faith on doing things responsibly and honestly have become an uncommon practice. I would not be surprised if someone says civilization does not exist, what does exists are their skeletons.

Is it so hard to practice honesty? Is it so hard to live together peacefully? Is it so hard to compete fairly? No. Nobody has ever tried to do it as a result of which common things discussed in every religion, in every philosophy has become uncommon today. People live to be presentable to others. " Fake-ism" persists while people resist their true self to come out.

The sutra or the formula to live a blissful life requires living it with honesty, passion and faith. It is all about nurturing the natural characters that we see everyday that animals like Dogs, Birds, elephants etc possess. "Karma- sutra" is all about living with your true self every moment. Life would become peaceful and blissful for everyone if each were to follow the simple characters of integrity, honesty, faith, consistence and devotion.

Am I right or wrong?

Every person while doing one or another thing is very conscious about what he or she is doing. We all want to perform in a way what people around us call acceptable. These acceptable standards of doing a thing, of living as an individual keeps pulling us; it's like the gravitational pull of a earth. In these past few months, I became a silent observer of this behavior that phenomenally binds a person's freedom to be what he or she could be.

Am I right or wrong? Should I do this or not? Is it good or bad? These are gruesome questions that consume a hell lot of time of an individual. Some people can never come out of this and become a captive, a victim of these questions. Some people are afraid to come out of their comfort zone and these questions are an easy answer and excuses to give. Most convicts, criminals as defined by the laws and social norms try to justify their actions in relation to their perception on these very grounds. But people in their normal walks of life often fail to exploit their potentials; explore their own self because of these very questions.

Right or wrong, good or bad are very relative terms. Every individual without harming others has the full right to exercise their freedom to choose what they feel is right than accepting the righteousness imposed by others. I recently went with a friend for lunch. The African people sitting opposite to our table were taking some bottles of beer. My friend suddenly began to ask me  if it was right to drink. He is a post graduate fellow brought up  in a Brahman( a caste in Hindu religion) family that forbids drinking. I was taken by surprise when he asked me if it was justifiable to drink as our body needs alcohol too to a certain amount. I finally ordered a beer for him. He drank and he was happy. The person I am talking about is always confused; he often stays back because of the fear of being wrong.

Life as we all know comes once. Do net let others define our choices. We stumble, we do fumble and fail, we will make mistakes but until and unless we do not commit mistakes , we will never learn. Keep the opinions and judgement of  society and the people around you at bay and undertake the journey that you always wanted to take. Discover yourself by choosing your own path. The path you choose will pave its own righteous reasons for others.

My Millenium Girl

I have walked to the far flung areas. I have met people from many different cultures, living styles and treasured a lifetime of memories with me. Every time I  sit to pen down my journey, I remember the travelogues, novels, articles where women and sex are spilled everywhere and I have never even made friend with person of opposite sex during all these times until this day when I talked to her. She is miraculous like my thoughts, like the waves of an ocean, like the soothing cold wind during the dusk. She sometimes appear like a mirage to me. She was always there; sometimes sitting in front of me, sometimes talking to me, chattering, making classes lively. This time, when I am writing, I question myself, I doubt myself, my feelings for her and I do wonder if my purpose after taking so much pains  to be here ends with her.

Yes, It was this beautiful afternoon  when the sky turned black and grey and the cold winds blew; I was relieved  of all the hot and humid weather when the soft droplets of drizzle fell on my hand outside my classroom windows; I was savoring each seconds of that time with joy when someone whispered to me from the back," So, you love rains?" I turned my head to see her. Her eyes sparkled when she spoke, her lips turned into a huge curve of beautiful smiles and the dark dotted freckle in her upper lips made her look like a Madonna of romance. I answered in a very low voice," Yes, I do."

"Master ji, you are too shy". She began to talk playfully.( Everyone in my circle called me Master ji.)

" No. My lady, You have not seen me speak yet."

" O'O, My lady..! When did I become your lady?" She was full of smiles. The conversation started and neither of us knew when to  end it. She loved rains, long long bike rides and adventures. She was living every second of her moments with grace, beauty and acceptance.

I once asked, " Should I write an article on you?"

 "What kind of article?"

"Well, your are liberal, open and people try to take advantage of you.They talk behind your back...." 

She interrupted in before I  could complete my sentence, " Wait, Wait, I know you write well. You are independent to write anything you want. But regarding what you have just said I really do not give a damn."

Yes, She is my millennium girl. She dares to live by her choices. She dreams, she does and she believes at what she does. I have never before met such a girl whose locus of control is so internal. She walks in the herd of wild boys and yet take the control of the reins. She smiles like a princess and orders like mistress. I  am telling you one more time, she is a phoenix who is re-borne everyday in her smiles, bathed in her happiness, soaked in her dreams and as beautiful as a dream. 

As she moves away from me to her destination, I miss her presence.

A normal boy's diary...

The winter has arrived folks..!! the night has suddenly become cold and windy. I walk out of my chair towards the balcony. As the cold air hits me, I come out to my senses. The basketball courts and the play ground that used to be crowded has no one tonight. I light the cigratte. The curls of white smoke coming out of my mouth goes up and vanishes in the darkness. The memories come alive out of it.

She was always there. A girl twice my size with the same height as mine, she has a fair complexion; a typical Indian look. For the first time, she came to speak to me with a huge smile on her face, I was dumbfounded. I was not prepared for such warm response. She was like some character out of movies who could easily mingle with anyone she wished to. The new work groups and the new faces kept appearing and one day some guys came and stole her public presence to their private ecstasy. Some of those who used to walk with her and couldn't get a space for themselves amongst her  new close-knit circle would often call her a slut. Ah..! what a beautiful way of defining oneself. When a person starts defining another person, s/he actually defines himself/herself.

I still didn't bothered about her. One day the supervisor gave us group work and she became a part of it. She came to discuss the matters while I was probing her. Why is the  plain, open, liberal girl like her called 'slut' by everyone? whomsoever I met would talk about her. What attracted so much frustration and negative criticisms against her? Oh yes, the size of her breasts were always brought into attention by anyone at anytime without it's having any relation with the topic or the circumstances.For the first time, I found her beautiful with her improperly threaded eyebrows, the brown eyes that became smaller and smaller as she spoke with me. I liked her.

Well, When I say 'I like her'. It does not mean 'I love her'. love is a very independent phenomenon. It is not the choice, it is the destiny when two independent people meet together. This meeting should be able to establish a strong foundation of mutual understanding, care and unconditional giving without expecting anything in return.  

As I sat down with my laptop in my apartment, I had nothing in my mind other than one desire to complete the given task. How on earth was I supposed to know that a few hours of chat would change the pattern of  spending my time? As I started to talk with her on Facebook , we inquired as much as we could about each other that the national spying agencies would appear dismal in front of the information we extracted out of each other. She was irresistible. She went offline to go to sleep while I remained fathomless throughout              the night.

She was beautiful with her imperfections. We began to share casual gestures at times, spoke openly. She was not the one to wait for anything. She was too quick at establishing relations and moving out of it.  My eyes followed each steps she took in the floor we worked; I kept searching for ways when I could see her without her knowing it. I became a lost soul. confused soul. Not a week had passed and there were rumors she is having an affair again. Those boys attached with the fresh rumors claim to have loved the way 'she was whoring around' with them. I was thunderstruck by their opinions.  Was it happening because she was letting it happen ? I wonder why did she find it cool to hang out with guys who never spoke good of her.

Every ordinary guys like me would have a similar story to share.Even these small things create a great despair among poor souls. The grief brought by these small incidents shape and mold a person's perception that emerges out of incapability to be with the girl and the next time he sees that girl again he might also say ,'She is a slut' but I cannot call her so as I value each individuals' choice and decisions. My thoughts swing like the pendulum of a clock between illusion and reality. Somewhere deep inside, I want my mind to believe that she will take her time and one day she will be mine...!!

The cold air hits me hard this time. I light the other cigratte. I am numb as I do not know where I stand. She keeps coming in my mind while the rest of the world goes to sleep. 

My way of talking recent issues: India

The Government of India recently opened up its economy  to few sectors   for foreign investment. There was a huge political outcry. The opposition party and the critical allies of the Government with likes of  Mamata Banerjee  came into the spotlight.The move of the cabinet made headlines in leading newspapers. Economists and corporate honchos equally wrote with creative enthusiasm on the aftermath effect of the policy reforms on few sectors. But the major part of discourse these diaspora should have been doing is discussing on the directional change of the Indian economy. I have been hit hard by this thought for the past few days and I am dumbfounded as I am not seeing it happen.

I am not an economist. I am not an expert at what these economists, corporate heads and politicians say but my observation is not flawed either. As the cabinet announced the decision to bring certain reforms to boost the capital inflow in this growing economy, the opposition party instead of opting to go on strike could have put itself into the discourse of highlighting the underlying challenges coming forth, the economist and experts could have delimited themselves by moving a step forward into various enterprising ideas wherein the expenditure of the government could be reduced, the strategies government could take to reduce more economic barriers for every sectors of the economy rather than giving  sweet parrot passages on the reasons, pros and cons of the government move.

It was the decision of national interest. The largest democratic nation was taking a stride. The democracy is the one in which every  nook and cranny of a nation participates, is included but was it really happening?  Oppositions took it as a temporary move taken by the government to take shelter from the growing criticisms and frustration against poor governance. The economists took it as way to let in capital inflow, stabilize the fiscal deficit and so on. The b-school lecturers as in mine were in rush to finish the lecture plans, to meet the deadlines ( I wonder when will the eastern economies take initiatives for indigenous research with this kind of education system as such),  the working middle class was busy on their daily chores, the tea-vendor ( the roost of youths like me where we spend ample time over trivial matters) and the huge mass like him do not  know what government is doing other than Man Mohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi, Congress, Bha. Ja. Pa and some similar names of their local MPs.

Every country has its specific strengths and limitations. The move to cheap in constructive efforts by every stakeholders is necessary  in this huge political and economic discourse. The government in my opinion failed to create that atmosphere. As we often say it is never late to start. I hope decisions such as these would be participatory in days to come. 

Discovering oneself..!!

 Its been months since I left home. It was a decree of my heart. It was a sort of a  self imprisonment of two years inside the four walls of a house, a few friends and a limited time for fresh air nearby Raaniban ( a forest name under Shivapuri National Park). The end week of July, my heart decided to roam freely, on my own. I wanted to be that same old guy who enjoyed every seconds of his life, who was carefree of the opinions of the world, who believed in oneself more than anything else, who believed in love and care for others and most important of all I was the one who was never exhausted of giving. At the time, I am typing these words, In this wonderland of India, I know that I am carving my own life. Before I realize anything, Its been months I have been here.

A rucksack, one sleeping bag, few clothes, few amounts of money, few phone numbers and a bus ticket; Was that enough for me to undertake this journey? No. More than anything else, I had faith in the journey I was making. The process of self discovery should start alone.

 The world has become too ambitious. People see competition everywhere and they keep pushing. But despite all the efforts and investment, how many people succeed? We all know the answer. Very few. What is the difference between those people who succeed and those who end up living in the miseries of their memories? May be the difference lies in the process of pushing oneself while exploring our potentials. The ones who have been successful always claimed to have listened to their hearts, to their hunches, to their innermost voice. Can we call this a process of self discovery?

I had everything there. My back was against my walls. I have the most loving and supportive parents, a brother who is always there behind me, friends I can count on. But the fire was missing.  The fiery me was long dead. The drive, the passion was no more. Once again, I needed to come out of my family cocoon. Before I knew which road lies ahead of me, I have already passed days, weeks and months here. The process of self discovery is a journey of belief.

I was leap frogging. I have started jumping. Its been months I have been walking  in the sweltering heat and the sudden downpours in the vast areas of Punjab. I have met families whom I can call my own, I have met new faces whom I can call my friends. I can get lost in a crowd without being noticed. I have to be  as humble as a hermit. I can at times make faces and  wink at the beautiful ladies who pass by without noticing me. I am living many facets of my life at the same time. I can grumble at no one, no one to complain with. I am learning to solve the problems at hand rather than waste my time. Yes, I have started jumping at feet lengths of self- love, self confidence, self discovery.

I do not know how long will I stay in India. My journey has just begun. There are vast areas of land to travel,  many mountains to trek, many people to meet. We all know future is uncertain. Living with joy among those uncertainties and making the most of my present is what shapes me. There is a long way to go....!!

The most beautiful creation

I have been thinking about the most beautiful creation on earth. I wanted to write something on the topic.The more I ponder over the subject, the more confusing it appears. I have read and heard at innumerable instances that ' People are the most beautiful creation of God'. I repeated this term again and again and yet I could not believe it. This does not mean people are not beautiful or my perception about people have become something else. My focus suddenly changed from people to God. This letter word "GOD", who created this term ?

I do not know if God exists but I believe in God as an unknown entity who is behind all the creations.Since nobody has been able to identify with the cause of creation of this magnificent earth, the universe ; I bestow this term 'God' to that unknown reason behind it.

I have never understood religion.Whenever someone says 'God', they immediately attach it to religion. Suddenly, this beautiful word 'God' used to appear gruesome, unstable.powerless, frightful to me. I once read a friend's status in facebook ,"God is the greatest lie to humanity". Is God a lie?

I can with my head held high, with my undaunting pride cry aloud to the world that "God" is the most beautiful creation on earth. No beings, no substance, no feeling appear as beautiful as "God".

Religion for me is an attempt of the humans with lust for power to rule.When the term God came into existence, stories were built upon it. These stories were different according to the people, the geography, their way of living and so on. So the shape,size, colour, nature and nurturing the beliefs on God became different. Therefore, people in different places had different Gods. I believe that those storytellers and their bastions suddenly found a reason to be superior than those who merely heard them with interest and reverence.So they divided these different Gods into religions. This division was not enough to rule. The caste and traditions came into existence to help them establish their norms. Every country's history therefore has 'priests' as the agent of power. It holds equally true at present time as well.

God is such an irresistible word. Every human is so accustomed to it. It has an aroma that suddenly brings peace of mind, stirs ones thought patterns, instills hope in the hopeless; courage to the fearful and has at many instances discouraged much evil on earth.

Detach "God" from religion and all the walls between people will fall down. The mankind will come into unison. The world will become free of almost all the evils caused by religion in the name of God.

"God" is above all the most beautiful creation. 

मेरो देश खोज्दै

सडकहरू सुन-सान छन । सुर्यदेवलाई धन्यबाद् दिन्छु । मेरा कानहरू बिहान-बेलुकी सडक, पत्रिका, टि.भी, रेडियोमा गुन्जिने आवाजहरूले कसो बहिरा भएनन् ।  सबै जातले आफ्नो आफ्नो राज्य माग्दै गर्दा म यो चर्को घाममा मेरो देश खोज्दै छू ।

मेरो देश जहाँ म ब्राह्मनको छोरो, छिमेकी राईनी आमैलाई ठुली आमै भनेर पुकार्थें । पल्लो कोठामा जाडको घ्याम्पो हुन्थ्यो र वल्लो कोठामा मलाइ दुध चिउरा दिन्थिन । उनी परलोक गएको ८-१० बर्ष भो, उनसंगै मेरो देश'नी कता गयो कता !    मेरो देशमा कहाँ लेक मा कुनै एउटा मान्छे मर्दा, बेसिमा हाम्रा बौ-बाजे गनगन् गर्थे । मानो- पाथी थियो, K.G  भन्ने थाहा थिएन  । झुपडी थिए, पक्का घर मुस्किलले भेटिन्थ्यो । गरीब थिए तर पेट भोको कसैको थिएन । ठुला- ठुला परिवार हुन्थे, सानो परिवार सुखी परिवार भन्ने थिएन । पाउरोटी सुनेका थियौं, खान हुन्न भन्थे । मकैको रोटी या कोदाको ढीडो जिब्रो फट्काइ-फट्काइ खान्थ्यौं । बा'ले शहर घुमाउन ल्याउदा झिलिमिली थियो, रमाइलो थियो । शहर सफा  थियो । बागमती नी नुहाउन लगे; हाम्रो गाऊँको खोलो जस्तै सफा थियो ।

हा ! मेरो देश, कठै ! मेरो देश । गर्छु भन्नेले नी' गरि खान पाउने भएनन् । हरेक दिन बन्द छ, चर्का नाराहरू छन् । गर्मीले पोल्न थालेपछी म एउटा रुखको छहारिमा बस्न खोज्छु । एउटा पागल छेउमै बसेर फत्फताउदै थियो । मलाइ देखेपछी उ झन् झन् चर्को स्वोरले कराउन थाल्यो । अरु दुई चार रमितेहरू कुरा सुन्न थपिए ।

"मेरो राज्य ६०१ दलालहरूले बेच्दै छन् । तीनलाई तैं चोरहरूले देश् बेच्न पठाएको हो । त्यहाँ नाइके जति सब ब्राह्मन जातको छ बुझिस । " म स्तब्ध भएँ । कोइराला, भट्टराई, दाहाल, पौडेल, वली, नेपाल जस्ता केहीले ब्राह्मनको परिभासा फेरिदिएछन । ब्राह्मन कुनै जात होईन । ब्राह्मन सत्य हो, ब्राह्मन भक्तिमा लिप्त हुनुको अवस्था हो । ब्राह्मन ज्ञान हो, तत्वबोध हो ।   जो ब्राह्मन हो, उसका लागि जिब, निर्जिब सब समान हो । मैले भनेको छु, म ब्राह्मनको छोरो हो, स्वयम् ब्राह्मन होईन । 

"  सुक्रे पनि त यही रहेछ ।"   त्यहि हुलबाट परिचित अनुहारहरू देखा पर्छन । चिनेकाहरूले सुक्रे भनेर बोलाउछन । सुक्रात पनि बहुलाहा जस्ता थिए रे, म नी त्यस्तै छु रे ! म रातो पिरो हुन्छु । मनमनै डर लागेर आउछ । कतै देश खोज्नु पागलपन त होईन ? मलाइ अब यिनले थाहा पाए भने के  भन्लान् ?  

   साना- साना भुराहरूलाई बाबु- राजा भन्छन्, आइस्यो र गैस्यो भन्न सिकाउछन यो सहरमा । हाम्रा गाऊमा बेलुका आगनको डीलबाट " ए राडी- मुर्दारहो तिमीहरूलाई घिच्न पर्दैन ? छिट्टो मर त" भनेर खाना खान बोलाउछन अधिकान्स आमाहरू । तर शहरका बाबु- राजाहरूमा न बा- आमा प्रति, न समाज प्रति न देश प्रति कुनै लगाव छ । हाम्रा गाऊका राडी- मुर्दार धेरै जिम्मेवार र परिपक्व छन् । ती पनि म जस्तै "एकादेस"को मेरो देश खोज्दै होलान् । के म लगायत ती सबै पागल होलान् त ?

मेरो देश नेताहरूको जातिय राजनितीको हतीयार बन्दै छ । म कोँगो, रुवान्डाको जातिय द्वन्दका दर्दनिय कथाहरू सम्झन थाल्छु । म भाव सुन्य हुन्छु ।

  "ओइ सुक्रे भाई कता हिंडेको । अनी कतै नहेरी हिंडेको छौ त ?" लामा दाइको पसल अगाडी आइपुगेछु । डल्ले- डल्ले यी दाई, तमाङ लामा हुन् । यो सहरमा पढ्न बसेदेखी साँझपख गफ गर्दै चुरोट खाने गर्छौ हामी । अरु पनि बन्दले गर्दा त्यहि आएका रहेछन् । चुरोटको धुवा संगै जीवनका सूख- दु:ख देखि बाटोमा हिड्ने तरुनीलाई संगै बसेर जिस्काउदै धेरै बर्षका साँझहरू यहाँ बितेको छ ।  

 "त्यो संबिधान सभा भवनमा गएर बम पद्काइदिउ न ।" छेउमै उभिएका फर्निचर पसलका मधेसी दाईले कुरो अगाडी बढाए । त्यहाँ नी' मेरो देश खोज्दै रहेछन् सबै ।

" त्यसो गर्नु हुन्न । त्यति राम्रो भवन छ । नेपालमा फेरि त्यस्तो भवन बनाउने कोहि राम्रो मान्छे जन्मेला जस्तो छैन । तीनलाई देश निकाला गर्नु पर्छ ।" अर्का लोकसेवामा खर्दारको जाँच दिएर बसेका मास्टर साप बोले ।

"हाम्रो सुक्रे भाईको केही भन्नु छ की ?" त्यसै घरका घरबेटी दाईले सोधे ।

"मेरो देशको साशनको बागडोर  जनताको हाथमा हुनुपर्छ दाइ । दुई चारवटा पार्टीको काने-खुसिको भरमा राज्य चलिरह्यो भने यो भन्दा धेरै दुखदायी दिनहरू आउनेछन ।" म यति भन्दै चुप रहिरहे । सबै स्तबध भए । मौन स्विक्रिती जनाए । शायद म जस्तै यी पनि आफ्नो देश खोज्दै छन् ।  

              

       

Most Unwanted People

I do not like politics. Being a citizen of a country where politicking is an essential component for people from all walks of life; every circumstances encourages a person here to hate politics, to believe that it is a dirty game.Should I change my opinion? How would it look like if I try seeing it from a different perspective? I have been asking these questions for  few days.

The impingement of wrong political values in every spheres of Nepalese society have set forth wrong notion against politics among a  mass. We have been cheesed off by political diaspora of the country. The recent rise of bandhs( strike) and the voices coming from behind these suggest a political turmoil of a different nature. I have this inkling, if Nepal is going to be a sort of GUJARAT of India. I am getting negative vibes now.

"One of the poorest, land locked , capital locked countries of the world". To add further to the woes  of this description, a  threat of rise in the tribal/ethnic riots. 

I do not have a foggiest idea in my mind for any positive change. How do we get rid of this then? Well, let us all declare the 601 members of the constituent assembly as the " Most unwanted people of the country". 

What further can we do then? Well, get rid of everything that is hindering our progress. Throw away the government, end  the  bureaucracy and liberate the nation. By doing so, I am starting to believe that our nation will no more be landlocked or capital locked. We will not have to set targets to bring in a million tourists. We will not have to worry about poverty and unemployment.  

Nepal with an open border between India and China can clearly call an attention of the world. With a hassle free country to move about, a market that can cater to more than half of the population of the world; I wonder who would not want to invest here.

I often thought about the security of our nation. Well, with all the mighty powers settling in my land to cater to the largest market of the world. With millions of people moving in and out of my country; the presence of the international community would be too strong. I wonder, who would really dare to encroach our territory.  

We will not have state mechanism to meddle with people's affairs. No politicians to blame for the deficiencies of the market. Yes, there will be inefficiency. But we will have options to choose. Our choice; the choice of the market will correct them. Ah! what a beautiful and prosperous country Nepal would be. 

Did I say I do not like politics? Politics rule the roost of all the things we consume. But we do not need the huge number of dumb people that consume all the resources and energy . They are our biggest expenses.   Let  us  begin with the first step; declare the 601 as the " Most unwanted people " of our nation.

Death of a street boy

He is dead

and now he lay at rest

there upon that little bed of dirts

his solemn stillness, the calm face looked as though to smile

Because for him,

to live was no great.

He is gone for a sleep so deep

into that slumber so beautiful

with no trace of pains, din and bustle to bear

so majestic a sleep can be

no superiors might have ever slept

the cold stiff body,calm expressionless face

seemed to tell me

He always dreamt of beautiful deaths.

So fresh a creature he looks

as he used to be when he trotted around

among the heap of dirts beside my house

embedded with elations when he found tin cans and metals

that day he would laugh gaily

to all those who looked with such coldness as he is today.

As the dusk prepares to welcome the night

Many street pupil begin to come

the bodies in rags cried a lot

There among the crowd were also the gentlemen

Drivers stopped by, people dismounted from their cars to take a look

But then someone said

"Ah! what a beautiful sleep

no God might have ever slept".

उध्रिएका सपना

उध्रिएका सपना
   सिलाउने के ले हो
गैसकेको  बैंस
   फर्काउने कस्ले हो ।।

दौतरि त पाखा लागे
   भेट्ने  कसलाई हो
ब्यथाहरू गाठो परे
   सुनाउने कसलाई हो ।।

गीतहरू लेखेको
   गुन-गुनाउने कस्ले हो
मदिराको प्याला
  साथ् दिने कस्ले हो ।।

शुभ बोल बोल

बिहान सवेरै यसो हाथ-खुट्टा तन्काउन रानिबनतिर हिड्दै थिएं । टहलिंदा टहलींदै घाम निधारसम्म आइपुगेछ । घर तीर लम्किए । घर आइपुग्दा आमा कौसीबाट कराउंदै हुनु हुन्थ्यो । गेट छेउमै उभिएको बिजुलीको खा'मोमा बसेर काग कराइ रहेको थियो । " हा ! हा ! शुभ बोल बोल ", आमा कराउंदै कागलाई धपाउने कोशिश् गर्दै हुनु हुन्थ्यो ।  काग एकोहोरो चर्को चर्को सँग कराउंदै थियो ।

मेरो ध्यान कागतिर गएन । सृस्‍टिले उसमा दिएको गुण अनुरुप उ चलिरहेको थियो, त्यसमा के दोस कागको ? हाम्रो धार्मिक संस्कारनै केलाउने हो भने पनि, काग यमको सन्देस बाहकको भूमिका अटुट रुपमा निभाउदै छ । जब काग दिनभर घर नछोडी कराएको केही दिनमा मेरि हजुरआमा बित्नुभो' मलाइ कागले बहन गरिरहेको एउटा जिम्मेवारी प्रति ईस्र्या लाग्यो । 

 तर मान्छे !...मान्छेले  मेरो ध्यान  तानिरह्यो । एक अर्कालाई मार्ने मान्छे, काट्ने मान्छे, एउटा  मान्छेको सबैभन्दा डरलाग्दो दुश्मन अर्को मान्छे । जहाँ जान्छु, जो सँग बोल्छु; अर्को मान्छेको कुरा काट्नमा ब्यस्त छ मान्छे, अर्को ब्यक्तिलाई खसाल्नमा ब्यस्त छ अधिकांस मान्छेको सोंच ।  मैले सोंचे," शुभ बोल बोल " त मान्छेलाई सबैभन्दा पहिले भन्नु जरुरी रहेछ । मैले त सुरु पनि गरिसकें । म काहीँ जाँदा,कसैसँग बोल्दा पहिले आफ्नो लागि अनी आफूसँग वार्तालापमा सहभागी हुनेहरुका लागी  म त भनि हाल्छु " शुभ बोल बोल" । 

सबैको सोँच शुभ रहोस, सबका वाणी शुभ रहुन । धन्य काग...!!!              

    

नारी दिवस अनि मेरो आफ्नै गन्थनहरू ..

अन्तरास्ट्रिय नारी दिवस । हिजै बेलुका देखि लेख्छु भन्दा भन्दै आज बेलुका भयो । के लेखुँ ,मनभरी कुराहरु छन् । दुई दिन देखि आफ्नै अन्तर-कुन्तरमा बहस चलेको चल्यै छ ।  अधिराज्यका पढे-लेखेका महिलाहरू, स्वभिमानी महिलाहरू, श्रीमानका पद र पैसाको तुजुक देखाउन पाएका महिलाहरू, श्रीमान र परिवारलाई पालिरहेका महिलाहरू, सुकिला- मुकिला देखिने महिलाहरू अनि मिठा- मिठाइ लाग्ने नारी दिवसमा घुलेका महिला सशक्तिकरनका अवाजहरु , समानताका अवाजहरू, अवसर र चुनौतिका लागि  गुन्जिरहेका अवाजहरू ।

तर कति बुलन्द छन् त यी अवाजहरू ? के यी अवाजहरू अस्ति भर्खरै 'बोक्सि'को आरोपमा आफ्नै गोठछेउ निर्घात कुटाइ खाइ, जलाएर मारिएकी महिलाको गाऊँमा पुग्छन् । पुग्दैन भने अझै जोडले कराउनु पर्‍यो, त्यसो गर्न सकिदैंन भने बन्द गरिद्नु यी अवाजहरू ।  मेरि अस्ति भर्खरै ९४ बर्षको उमेरमा बित्नु भएकी हजुराआमाले सुन्नुभएको भए सबैलाई यही भन्ने थिईन । कर्म गरेपछी नतिजा आउदैन भने त्यस्ता कर्म गर्नेलाई झटारो हान्थिन मेरि मामाघरे हजुरआमा । 

 नारी अदित्तिए प्रेम, धैर्य र प्रकृतिको स्वरूप हुन । यो कुरा पुस्तौँदेखी हाम्रा शास्त्रमा लेखिएर आएको छ । मैले पनि स्कुल पढ्दा घोकेको दुई लाइन  याद् आयो :   " यत्र नारी यस्तु पुज्यन्ते:  

                                                                          रमन्ते तत्र देवता "।

जहाँ नारीको पूजा हुन्छ, त्यहा देवता पनि रमाउछन ।   मन्दिरै मन्दिरको शहर भएको हाम्रो देशमा, श्रद्धालुहरूको ओइरो लाग्ने हाम्रो देशमा, देवता रमाएका छन् की छैनन् ? म नित्से होईन तर मेरो यो प्रश्न हरेक जिम्मेवर नागरिक माथी तेर्सौउदै छु ।  जुन देशमा "छाउपेडी"मा एउटा महिलाको रजस्वलाको समयमा मृत्‍यु हुन्छ, जहाँ जिम्मेवार पदमा आसिन पतीबाट निहत्था श्रीमती मरिन्छिन, दाइजोका नाममा अझै शोषन हुन्छ,बोक्सी बनाई बनाइ मार्छन, अर्धाङी भनि भनि बैबाहिक हिन्सा, अत्याचार,मानसिक प्रताडना दिन्छन्, के त्यहा तिम्रा देवता खुशी होलान् ? जुन मन्दिरहरूमा देवता खुशी छैनन्, बन्द गर जान ती  मन्दिर?   

  मैले मन्दिरको मर्म बुझेको छैन । नेपाल र भारतका प्राय मन्दिर घुमे तर मैले मेरो देवता भेटिन । साधुहरूसँग बसें, सन्तहरूसँग हिंडे, गँगोत्रीमा घन्टौसम्म कुर्दा पनि मैले जवाफ नपाएपछी रिसले चुर भएर हींडेथे । घर आइपुग्दा प्रेमले मुसार्दै मेरो छोरो कहाँ पुगेर आयौ भन्दै निक्लेकी मेरि "आमा" मा मेरो देवता पाएँ । म नास्तिक होईन किनकी अस्ति भर्खर बितेकी मेरि हजुरआमा जै'ले बिदा हुने बेला आँगनमा मलाई म्वाइ खाँदै खुसुक्क मेरो गोजीमा पैसा हालिदिन्थिन अनि उनको जोडी आँखाबाट थोपा थोपा आसुँ पालै पिलो चाउरी परेका गाला हुँदै कलेटी परेर सुकेका ओठसम्म आइपुग्थे । मेरो देवता त्यतिखेर भेटें  ।

  ' नारी दिवस कसका लागि मनाउछौ ? अवाज भएका महिलाहरू जस सँग स्वर छैन तीनको स्वोर बन अनि जोड जोडले चिच्याउ ताकि पहराहरू पछाडि लुकेका झुपडीहरूमा सुर्यदय भन्दा पहिले तिम्रा अवाजहरू गुन्जिउन ! सक्दैनौ भने बन्द गर अवाजहरू........!!! ',    हा ! आज क्रान्ति ओकल्दै छ मेरो कलमले पनि ! 

   तर साँचै नै परिवर्तन् देख्नु छ भने हरेक अवसर पाइरहेका महिलाहरूले आँफै बाट सुरु गर्नु पर्दछ । तब मात्र परिवर्तनको सन्देसका सम्बाहक बन्न सक्दछन् । नेपालि चेलीहरू पुरुष जस्तै साउदीमा छन्, लिब्यामा छन्, अमेरिका अनि यूरोपमा छन् । फेसबूकमा एउटा फोटोमा 'बिकिनी'मा देखिएकी मेरि केटी साथि अर्को फोटोमा त्यतिक्कै सुन्दर 'सारीमा' सजिएर फोटो हाल्छे अनि म दंग पर्छु ! नेपालमा परिवर्तन र अधुनिकिकरन त आएको छ तर केही न्युन प्रतिसतमा सिमित छ । मेरा अघिल्ला कुराहरुमा बिरोध प्रकट पक्कै गरेको होईन । म चाहन्छु नारी दिवस साँचै देशका हरेक नारीहरूको पर्व बनोस् जहाँ हरेक नारी समान रूपले सीक्षीत र आफ्नो जीवनको निर्णय स्वयमले गर्ने सक्ने अधिकार र स्वतन्त्रताले ले सम्पन्न होउन् !   

        

            

Celebrating NEPALDOM..!!!

It is 7th Falgun tomorrow, the democracy day of Nepal. The day will be celebrated at Tundikhel with great enthusiasm. But are we all celebrating ? Despite the increasing inflation,shortages of cooking gas and petroleum products, the ever growing anarchy , the growing number of youths in front of the embassies in Kathmandu, the poor governance , unemployment , stalled political dialog, low GDP, poverty etcetera  and etcetera ; I do believe that we still have more profound and intriguing reasons to celebrate.

Are you thinking about statistics?  Are they terrifying? We should not always go for numbers. Take examples of the neighboring counties in our north and south. The world is gazing at them with wonderment, often dazzled by the leap they have taken. The other parts of the world are going Ga' Ga' over them. Their statistics are equally bad. India's in even worse (approx 77% below poverty- old datas* ) . Never had it before occurred to me that  with 50% and more population under the age of thirty five , we have more than enough reasons to celebrate our democracy day. Isn't statistics sometimes reassuring? The prosperous Nepal's hopes and dreams lies with this generation of mine.

The raw, energetic faces similar to my age are joining the block of entrepreneurs , advocating youth empowerment , advocating women empowerment and  the list goes on. I really feel proud and happy to witness these growing changes. Nepalese youths are not delinquent either. They have taken the courage to travel to the developed countries, sweated their ass to send in remittance home. I am therefore not amazed when my in law (Phupaju) who learnt to use cell phone at his mid 30's uses the latest iPhone with such an ease at his late fifties. So similar is the case with rising number of shopping malls, better theater halls. Ah yes ! It has not been long that a nepali movie "Loot" ran houseful in the theaters. Amazingly the Koran Johar movie "Agneepath" could not compete with the movie in our Ktown.

What should I talk about now? Women empowerment?? At a time when I read news of a lady burnt alive. This is sad.There are thousands of such untold brutality in our society. But I do believe that time is changing.Change always happens for good. Let me illustrate this with an example. Last weekend I was waiting for microbus in front of Kathmandu Mall bus station. As usual, there was a rush of crowd moving hither -thither. A beautiful lady was standing by my side. A group of guys came into the scene. I could not see what happened but a minute later I could hear the lady yell at them," what the fuck are you guys up to? Get the hell out of here". Everyone looked towards her. The guys walked away with pale faces. For some she appeared like a horrible bitch. Is it Irony or Is it Iconic? For me what I saw there was, the modern day girls have found better ways and guts to claim their territory; just like a tigress roars in the jungle to claim her territory.

Do I need to talk about our natural resources? Urghh...!! we have been reading ,hearing and quite often writing about these since our school days. People around the world better know Mt. Everest than Nepal. All our buddhimans (wise) and the most talktaive  media frenzy oldies who run the youth leadership dramas by taking most of the credit themselves and never ever offering youth the required roles have always flaunted about our natural heritage that are underutilised, undermanaged.

People know everest but why not Nepal? Isn't it high time that we start branding our country. Little voices have been raised in this issue.Efforts have been made but that is not enough.So this year, let us all raise our voice for the country. Let us all strive for excellence at what we do. Let us all do as we say. This democracy day, let us all celebrate NEPALDOM. I am pretty sure, the future is great and beautiful just like our country. Let us all take our nation to new heights and grow along with it as happy and prosperous citizens of a prosperous country. Cheers..!!!!

रटान लगाउने सुगाहरू..!

"ए दाई ! कोपी कृष्ण काउ  , कोपी कृष्ण काउ  !"

 छिमेकी अंकलको घरमा छिर्न नपाउँदै पट्टु कराउन थाल्यो । सधैं यसरी नै कराउंथ्यो । त्यो कुरा राम्ररी बोल्न सकोस भनेर बेला बेलामा रातो खुर्सानी ख्वाउने गरेको मैले पनि देखेको छु । तर आज खस खस लागिरह्यो । कता कता मन बिझाइरह्यो  । 

हा ! हा ! क्या दशा यो ! म देशैभरी सुगाहरू देख्न थाल्छु । यी थरी थरिका सुगाहरू, रङी- चंगी सुगाहरू, ज्ञानले बलेका जस्ता सुगाहरू, पैसाले पुरिएका जस्ता सुगाहरू ;   राष्ट्रिय राजनितीमा हैकम जमाइरहेका , शिक्षामा , स्वास्थ्यमा, सुरक्षामा । कहाँ छैनन् यी सुगाहरू ?   सुगाहरू मेरो राष्ट्रको  नशा-नशामा, गरा-गरामा बसेका छन् । राष्ट्रिय मकैबारी भुसुक्कै पार्दै छन् ।

 हेर्दा हामि जस्तै बोल्छन । हाम्रै बिच बस्छन । मौका पाउने बित्तिकै काधमै चद्छन् ।  यी कुनै दक्षिणतिर , कुनै उत्तर त कुनै सात समुन्द्र पारीबाट धेरै समयपछी आएका हून रे ! त्यतै यिनलाई खुर्सानी खुवाएर येस्ता भाषा बोल्न सिकाएका रे ! यी सुगाहरू कोहि पूँजीवाद , कोहि समाजवाद, कोहि माओबाद ,कोही खुल्ला अर्थतन्त्र लगयतका दुनियाँ मन्त्र उच्चारण गर्छन् । एउटै कुराको रटान लगाउछन् । 

  यी सुगाहरू आफ्नो समाजमा भन्दा धेरै खुर्सानी दिनेहरू तिरै धेरै बस्छन् । यिनको जीवन सैलि अधिकान्स तेस्तै छ ।  जब जब राष्ट्रमा बाली-नाली लगाउन थालिन्छ, तब तब यी सुगाहरू रटान लगाउछन् । यिनको 'कोपी कृष्ण कौ' ले हामी आजित भएका छौँ ! 

   राष्ट्र बिकासका नीम्ति हाम्रो आफ्नो समाजका इस्थापित आधारहरूलाई एउटै समानन्तर धागोमा उनेर लैजन सक्ने क्षमता चाहिन्छ । त्यो कुनै रटान, कुनै सिद्धान्तले जोत्दैमा , त्यस्ता मल हाल्दैमा बाली सप्रिदैन । हाम्रो इस्थानिय भु-बनोट , त्यस्को अनुसन्धान पर्याप्त मात्रामा हुन अझै सकेको छैन । गर्नेहरू थोरै छन् ? खुर्सानी खाएर ओकल्नेहरू धेरै छन् । 

   आज त्यसै त्यसै सुगा देखि घ्रिणा लागेर आयो । के कुरा गर्न आएको थिए भुसुक्कै बिर्सेछु !    

2012 लाई स्वागत गर्दै.... !

घर आउँदा बत्ति थिएन । राजधानीको बाटोभरी नयाँ बर्षको एउटा अलग्गै रौनक थियो, उत्साह थियो । साज-सज्जा गरेर घर बाहिर निक्लिएका जमातहरू प्रसस्तै थिए ;कोही साथीहरूसँग, कोहि आफन्तहरूसँग, कोहि परिवारसँग र त्यो हूलहरूको बिचमा म एक्लै रमाउदै ती सबैसँग रमाएको थिए । लेख्न मन त धेरै छ । बत्ति आउने बित्तिकै कम्प्युटर अगाडी बसेर टाईप गर्न थालेको छू ; मन भरी रहेका कुराहरु मन्थन गर्दै छू आएको बर्ष २०१२ लाई स्वागत गर्दै छू ।             

बितेको बर्ष तपाईंहरूको कस्तो रह्यो ? शायद सबैकालागि केही तितो, केही मिठो ; केही अलि धेरै लडे होलान्, पछारिए होलान तर उठ्नु ठुलो कुरा हो । उठेर नयाँ हौसलाका साथ डटेर, दत्तचित्त भएर, अझ मिहिनेत र लगनका साथ अगाडि बढ्ने अबसर लिएर तपाइहरुका लागि नयाँ बर्ष आएको छ । केही अली धेरै सफल भएका होलान्, २०११ भरी गम्कियेर, फुर्ती र उच्च मनोबल बोकेर हिंड्न पाएका होलान् । २०१२ नयाँ चुनौतीहरू, अझ अर्को बर्षको खुशीहरू,सफल्ताका गाथाहरूमा अर्को नयाँ सफल बर्ष जोड्ने मौका दिनलाई आएको छ ।               

जीबन त एबम् रितले अगाडि बढिरहन्छ । कसैले केही पाउछन, कसैले केही गुमाउछन । पाउनु र गुमाउनुको होडमा हामी कति रोयौँ होला, कति हास्यौँ होला । कति बिरक्तिएर जाडमै चुर्लुम्म डुब्यौँ होला, ब्यथाहरू चुरोटको धुवासंगै सल्काएर पियौँ होला । कैले सूख त कैले दु:खमा मौका खोजी खोजी जीवनलाई आफ्नै अनुकुल परिभासित गर्दै पियौँ । सन् २०१२ सबैका लागि जीवन पिउने अर्को बर्ष लिएर आएको छ ।  

  सन् २०११ मेरा लागि पनि मैले माथी भने जस्तै रह्यो । कैले मैले दुई पला जिए, कैले पलले मलाई पियो । अली अली खुशीहरू दियो, अली अली दु:ख पनि । मिसावट जीवनको सत्य हो जस्तो लाग्छ । साचैँ कसैको जीवन चोखो दु:ख , बिसुद्ध खुशी मात्र छैन । जीवन सबकालागि दुधमा पानी, खान-पानमा बिसादी जस्तै छ । मेरो लागि यस्तै याबत् अनुभुतीहरू दिएर २०११ले आँगन छाडेको छ । तर मिसावटको   प्रभाबलाई कम गर्ने उपाय मैले भट्टीमा सिकेर आएँ । व्हिस्कीमा पानी र कागती मिसाए  जस्तै आफ्नो जीवनमा हाँसो र उमंग मिसाउने प्रयास निरन्तर गर्नुपर्छ । एउटा द्रिढ विश्वाश र शान्त- शुशिल मन भए ,२०१२ पक्कै पनि धेरै खुशी , थोरै दु:ख होला ।  

  

आँखा गाढिएको छ, निद्राले गाँज्न थाल्यो । आजकै जस्तो माहौल बनिरहोस् । हरेक दिन बाटोभरी हाँसेका, खुले-खिलेका मुहारहरू देख्न पाऊँ । २०१२ लाई म पनि तपाईंहरू जस्तै स्वागत गर्दै छू ।